BREAKING NEWS: 9/24/15

In remarks that astonished his followers round the world, the Dalai Lama has said that while he would be happy for a woman to take over his role, "That female must be attractive, otherwise it is not much use."

Roger Ailes commented, "That's been our motto at Fox News forever."

WGN-TV News in Chicago caused an uproar when it used a star the Nazis forced Jews to wear during the Holocaust for a news story about Yom Kippur. 

"We sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended," said WGN news director Jimmy Schicklgruber.

In related news, Marco Rubio held a fund-raiser on Yom Kippur at the home of  GOP donor Harlan Crow, whose home includes two paintings by Adolf Hitler, a signed copy of Hitler's autobiography Mein Kampf, and a cabinet full of place settings and linens used by the Nazi leader.
Asked to comment, Rubio said, "I dunno, I just took him for a former Trump supporter."

The London Telegraph reports that more people have died by taking selfies this year than from shark attacks.

Coincidentally, there has been a dramatic rise in New Yorkers handing out selfie sticks to tourists at rush hour.

The new Lammily line of dolls, considered a more realistic alternative to Barbie, has now launched a Period Party set that includes pad and liner stickers, tiny underwear, a calendar, dot stickers to keep track of a menstruation cycle and an informational pamphlet.

Also included are miniature pots and pans for the doll to throw at her boyfriend when he looks at her the wrong way until it passes.

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