H 2 UGH

"Ha! Watch me spit in this -- nobody'll know!"

It's good to know that not all the kooks call the Republican party their home. Democratic Representative Bob Brady from Philadelphia made sure of that.

When Pope Francis addressed the Congress last week, he took several sips of water to wet his sacrosanct whistle. That was just too tempting for Brady, who grabbed the glass afterwards.

For most people, that would be enough of a souvenir, even if you couldn't prove the Pope had touched it. (I doubt his fingerprints or DNA are on file at Homeland Security, nor is he known to give autographs.) This wasn't Brady's first brush with petty larceny, having swiped President Obama's glass after his inauguration. This time, however, he took the next "logical" step.

"Hey... is that spit I taste?"

After returning to his office, Brady proceeded to drink the same water, before allowing his staff and family to do so as well. Not that they were allowed to touch the glass themselves. Brady held it, like a priest offering the wine to his congregation. And I thought Democrats were the separation-of-church-and-state party.

This is how Brady picks up women.

So at least four people drank the same water from the same glass that, moments earlier, had been drunk from by a complete stranger who had just flown in from Cuba after flying 5,000 miles from Rome. 

Holiness aside, doesn't this seem a little gross? It's not like they were dying of thirst in the middle of Death Valley and had no choice but to share the glass. And it's unlikely that Brady turned it so that he and the others each had an untouched part of the rim. No, it was one mouth-print atop the another.

I went to a college where beer was more plentiful than tap water, and nobody was drunk enough to share it with anyone other than their significant other. And even then you drank from the other side. It didn't matter where your mouths were going to be later than night -- you drank from the untouched side of the plastic cup. 

Given the chance, Brady would probably
drink that water, too.

Now, we know that Francis is keen on kissing every baby, old lady and unfortunate child that he can plant his papal pucker on. You cannot tell me that he isn't exposed to more germs than you can find at your average salad bar in the Bronx. He'd have to brush his teeth with 20 Mule Team Borax to clean that mouth.

And that's not the half of it. Do you know the kinds of diseases you can pick up just on a plane? A quick Google check is all you need:

Researchers collected old airplane parts and tested how long Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (the dreaded MRSA) and E. Coli can survive on common plane surfaces such as the armrest, plastic tray table, metal toilet button, window shade, seat pocket cloth, and leather. They found that MRSA, a potentially deadly infection, can last for an entire week on material from the seat-back pocket. And E. coli, which can lead to severe anemia and kidney failure, is able to survive for four days on the material from the armrest. Porous surfaces, such as cloth material, are an especially hospitable environment for germs, they found.

"I'll just pretend I'm drinking it."

I got sick just doing a copy and paste of that paragraph. I don't care if Francis flew on a private plane -- germs don't know coach from first class.

Remember, he allowed these photos
to be taken and distributed to the public

Let's review. A guy travels half-way around the world and drops by for a couple of days. Some other guy here steals his water glass and drinks from it, pathogen be damned. Then at least three more partake from the same microbe-ridden vessel. And each of them is subjected to the same bacteria from the persons before him or her. 

What were they trying to prove with this stunt? If Brady was from California, I'd understand. They'll take a glass of water anywhere they can find it these days. But Philadelphia? That's taking Brotherly Love too far.

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