BREAKING NEWS: 12/4/15

In the wake of the attack in San Bernardino that left 14 dead and 21 wounded, Senate Republicans rejected a bill that would have prevented felons, suspected terrorists and the mentally ill from legally purchasing guns.

When asked why his party voted that way, Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell said, "Do the math -- if we had supported it, we'd lose a third of our constituents."

President Barack Obama said in an interview that aired Thursday that he is confident the U.S. is safe from a Paris-style attack from ISIS. The interview aired a couple of hours before the San Bernardino massacre carried out by a couple with extensive contacts to Middle Eastern extremists.

Asked today if he stood by his remarks, Mr. Obama said, "Hey, how many times have you called overseas tech support and felt like killing somebody?" 

According to a recent British poll, the average mother completes 59 tasks a day, with most feeling “overwhelmed” because there are still more duties left unfinished.

In another poll, their husbands urged them to "try harder."

South Carolina Representative Chris Corley sent out a Christmas card  -- featuring a photo of the Confederate flag that was removed this year from the Statehouse -- to his Republican colleagues, suggesting they use the holiday to "ask for forgiveness of all your sins such as betrayal."

He went on to ask forgiveness for himself for his sin of lying -- particularly about his intelligence, fitness for elective office, and obvious sexual preference.

Mike Walsh, an 18-year employee for Walmart store in upstate New York, was fired for “gross misconduct” after waiting a half hour to turn in $350 he found while cleaning the parking lot. 

"What he should have done," said Walmart spokesman Brad Lanes, "was turn it in immediately so we could have fired him for not finishing his job."

In related news, Walmart president Alasdair James told Buzzfeed that his employees looked forward to working at his stores for the 6:00 A.M. shift on Thanksgiving, finding it "great fun."

"Of course, it's not my idea of fun," James admitted. "I prefer watching snuff movies, footage of slave labor camps, and people fighting each other for garbage scraps."

                                           

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