Friday, December 4, 2015


In the wake of the attack in San Bernardino that left 14 dead and 21 wounded, Senate Republicans rejected a bill that would have prevented felons, suspected terrorists and the mentally ill from legally purchasing guns.

When asked why his party voted that way, Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell said, "Do the math -- if we had supported it, we'd lose a third of our constituents."

Asked today if he stood by his remarks, Mr. Obama said, "Hey, how many times have you called overseas tech support and felt like killing somebody?" 

In another poll, their husbands urged them to "try harder."

He went on to ask forgiveness for himself for his sin of lying -- particularly about his intelligence, fitness for elective office, and obvious sexual preference.

"What he should have done," said Walmart spokesman Brad Lanes, "was turn it in immediately so we could have fired him for not finishing his job."

"Of course, it's not my idea of fun," James admitted. "I prefer watching snuff movies, footage of slave labor camps, and people fighting each other for garbage scraps."



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