SWISS FAMILY BARNYARD

Bernie Sanders hasn't been shy about modeling some of his proposed laws after Europe's if elected president. And why not? According to a report by neuroscientists, statisticians and economists, seven of the happiest nations in the world are European.

Swiss horses are just asking for it.

Topping the list is Switzerland. And what isn't to be happy about there? Great skiing. Beautiful women. Handsome men. The best chocolate in the world. And, oh yes, an explosion of people having sex with horses. Like, 10% of their equine friends are in danger of becoming the erotic playthings of humans. And even then, that might be low-balling it (pardon the pun).

What explains such a phenomenon? Do they put something in their Toblerone? Is it rancid cheese? Or is it possible that they're so bored with having sex with beautiful people that they've turned to Härr Ed for kicks?

That latter theory might not be so bizarre. Errol Flynn was said to have had affairs with Tyrone Power, Howard Hughes and Truman Capote simply because he had done everything possible with women. But at least his alleged conquests were humans. Except Capote.

Now, Switzerland isn't unique with person-on-pony action. In fact, just today there was a report of a pregnant horse in Wisconsin having been violated. I understand that some people have a serious case of maieusiophilia, but their objects of desire aren't considered candidates for third race at Hialeah.

Some Swiss men
find this repulsive.

In fact, there doesn't seem to be a word as it relates to horses, so maybe that would be a good task for a sexologist with some time on his hands. What's revolting is that a word needs to be created in the first place.

While this sort of thing isn't unknown in America, it doesn't seem to be a national predicament as it is in Switzerland. The next time Bernie opens his yap about the European way of life, he best make it clear that bestiality is the exception. Otherwise Hillary Clinton is going to have one hell of an attack ad ready to air.

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