Friday, February 5, 2016


A Mexican family of six has been found dead in an apparent murder/suicide in Chicago.

Donald Trump remarked, "Well, that's one way of taking care of it."

Authorities have confiscated $39-million worth of counterfeit NFL merchandise just days before the Super Bowl.

In a statement to the press, Commissioner Roger Goodell said, "This was an important day for us. Only the NFL has the right to rip off its fans."

A study has shown that more babies were born to poor families in Texas when the state stopped funding Planned Parenthood in 2013.

In defending the move, Gov. Rick Perry said, "Hey, somebody's gotta shop at Walmart."

A so-called "pro-rape" rally set to take place in New York's Washington Square Park on Saturday has been canceled, out of concern that police could no longer guarantee the safety of the men who want to attend.

An overwhelming number of New Yorkers polled said that was exactly why the rally should go on as scheduled.

The fourth most Googled search regarding Bernie Sanders following Thursday's Democratic debate was, "How to donate to Bernie Sanders."

When learning of that, Hillary Clinton cackled, "Shit, baby, Wall Street has me on speed dial!"


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