BREAKING NEWS: 3/28/16

Continuing their weekly tradition, friends of Garry Shandling had one final pick-up basketball game at the late comedian's house over the weekend.

The weekly games were historic for featuring the only basketball team with one black player.

Parents are upset at a North Texas charter school for teaching students about depression, divorce and sexual confusion.

Spokesman Brad Lanes told reporters, "If anyone's going to be responsible for kids learning about this stuff first-hand, it's the parents!"





Hank Greely, a geneticist at Stanford University, claims that within 20 years humans will be able to reproduce via skin cells, thus eliminating the need for sex.

A consortium of American wives are taking up a collection to speed up the process a hundredfold. 

A study published in the journal The Psychology of Popular Media Culture states that people who watch a lot of reality TV tend to be vain and narcissistic. 

This contradicts previous studies which said the viewers were vapid and imbecilic.




Pope Francis requested that the Rolling Stones cancel their outdoor concert in Havana over Easter weekend.

Asked why, His Holiness said, "You know, they just haven't been the same since Brian Jones left, am I right?"

The Washington Post reports that Republicans have become increasingly ashamed of the "tawdry" misogynistic tone of the current presidential race, specifically the potshots Donald Trump and Ted Cruz have been taking against each other's wives.

Insiders say they prefer that the candidates follow the regular GOP path by preventing women from having abortions, acquiring birth control and receiving equal pay.

                                                             *****************