BREAKING NEWS: 3/31/16

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump told Chris Matthews that he believed abortion

should be illegal, and that women who undergo abortions should be "punished."

When asked what that punishment would entail, Trump replied, "Putting my picture on the ceiling above their beds."

Billionaire Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has called for 'understanding, empathy and love' in order to defeat terrorism.

Zuckerberg made the statement from his well-stocked, multi-million dollar underground bomb-proof home in an undisclosed location.

Kyle Jenner, 18, admits to spending five hours a day doing her nails, explaining that her mother, Kris Kardashian, "drilled it into my head" to always have a good manicure.

Kyle admitted it was five hours more than she's ever spent in school.

A group founded by longtime Hillary Clinton confidant David Brock has filed three ethics complaints with the Federal Election Commission against Bernie Sanders and his allies.

Brock's ethics complaints against Sanders are 1) He entered the race; 2) He's raising more money than Hillary; and 3) He hasn't dropped out of the race.

In related news, Hillary Clinton is holding a rally later today in Purchase, NY.

Asked why she chose Purchase, Clinton replied, "It reminds me how I win over Wall Street voters."

Brad Harris, the founder of Novus Health Care Services in Dallas, Texas owner has been accused of urging nurses to give patients overdoses in order to speed up their deaths and boost profits.

His orders are otherwise known as "Cruz Care."

                                                    *************************