Monday, April 4, 2016


Living alone for four years in New York, I could go an entire weekend without saying a word to anyone, other than the guy at the Chinese take-out place on Saturday nights, when I ordered my usual greasy spare ribs and oily fried rice. It was kind of a shock to hear the sound of my voice.

I was used to it. Apart from my college years, I've never had a lot of friends. My attitude toward anyone who wanted to hang out was the same as with girls who came on to me: There must be something wrong with you. 

Guess what. I was right, as this recent headline confirmed:

No, just smart.
Ah ha! There it was. I'm surrounded by morons! Let me tell you, that was a load of my mind.

Suddenly, my gut feeling towards groups of friends on the street or subway was actually correct: These people sound like idiots. 

Researchers agree:

So even way, way back in the day, the general thinking among the smart set was Gimme my space, man! But what does preparing bronto-burgers have to do with the 21st-century blues?

Adapt to the challenges of modern life? Well, I'm not so sure about that. It took me years to work up the courage to wire a new computer with a monitor by myself. And it took a few more to convince myself that, yes, it was possible to connect a wireless printer to the computer and a laptop without going into panic mode. 

As for hooking up the Blu-Ray player, DVR and international DVD player to our TV... I had to wait until the wife cleared out for the morning so I could read the instructions out loud to myself in order to figure out what I was doing. But unlike my ancestors, I'm smart enough not to hunt raccoon in Central Park for lunch. 

So as I spend another day in splendid isolation, I do so in the knowledge that I'm special. Go to your parties, soirees, or whatever is you socializing cattle do. I'm too smart for that nonsense. 

Also smart enough to know that "raccoon" is the preferred plural of the word. Nyah-nyah! 


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