BREAKING NEWS: 5/27/16

In order to raise funds for a nonprofit that promotes women's reproductive health, a man walked around New York this week wearing a pink vagina costume.

Most people, however, said he looked like a freakin' dick.

Father Cipriano de Meo, who has been an exorcist since 1952, told the Catholic News Agency how to tell if someone is possessed by the devil, or is in reality mentally ill.

"It's easy," he said. "If they vote for Trump, they're evil. If they vote for Hillary, they're nuts." He then paused a moment before adding, "Or is it the other way around?"

The principal at the federally-funded St. John’s Lutheran School in Baraboo, WI, sent a letter to parents demanding they provide students’ birth certificates in order to "weed out" LGBT students, who would otherwise be expelled for their "transgression."

Parents, in turn, demanded the school provide proctologists in order to weed out the assholes on the faculty.

Kristin Rightnour, a Catholic marketing boss for Tiffany's, claims she was discriminated against after telling a Jewish colleague that “the Jewish people killed Jesus."

"I'm not antisemitic," Rightnour insisted. "That's why I work at Tiffany's, because the Jews are why it's called 'jewelry,' right?"

Hollywood film legend Faye Dunaway arrived at amfAR’s star-studded gala in Cannes, France, with a scale to weigh her food and calculate her calories.

Security agents, meanwhile, were analyzing Dunaway to determine if she was an alien.

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