Tuesday, May 3, 2016


The American biotech company Bioquark Inc. is ready to begin clinical trials to bring the dead back to life.

The first volunteers will be the Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders campaigns.

While campaigning in West Virginia yesterday, Hillary Clinton was confronted by a laid-off coal miner over her recent vow to "put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business." Clinton claimed her quote was "totally taken out of context."

"What I really said," she explained, "was that I was going to put you out of business eventually."

A growing number of tourists are experiencing what a Japanese psychiatrist calls "Paris Syndrome," a condition many first-time visitors suffer when visiting the French capital. Paris Syndrome can cause hallucinations, panic attacks, or hostility. 

American psychiatrists, however, have named it Trump Rally Syndrome.

Upon second thought, however, they decided they were right.

Weberg added that absolutely no one will be admitted after the third week.


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