Thursday, July 21, 2016


It's tempting to say "Now I've seen everything," but after learning about people who dress up as dogs or cats for kicks, I know that would be a fool's errand. For all you youngsters out there, here are... the Plushies!:

"Come on, baby, you know you
want it."
As a child, I loved my stuffed Bosco Bear. Loved him so much that I slept with him on a nightly basis for a year or so. But I did not have sexual relations with that teddy bear, Mr. Bosco.

As a result, some would call me a plushophobe. In fact, because of Bosco's sexual identity, I might even be considered a homophobic plushophobe. Therefore, the thinking would undoubtedly go, I am, in actuality, a repressed homoplushiesexual. To quote my late mother, I cannot win.

Because of my paternalistic sexism -- not to mention the aforementioned use of vibrators -- I figured that plushophilia was strictly a woman-centric thing. But I need to beg forgiveness for my ignorance, since there are plenty of men who are in a committed, loving relationship with their stuffed animals. 

One male plushie describes it as "funner" than sex with a human, perhaps because you don't have to buy them dinner first. If nothing else, the animals don't care if you lack the grammatical skills of a third-grader.
Which do you find more strange:
a woman having sex with her
teddy bear, or a teddy bear who's
turned-on by tattoos?

Another male advises newcomers to “add a zipper, a good 10 inches”. Sorry, guy, if you feel the need to give an exact length, you're hiding something.

Just so we have our facts straight, plushophobes should not be confused with furries, who have sex while dressed as stuffed animals. Once again proving my societal-caused repression, I've always had sex naked (much to the distaste of many women). 

It's now up to scientists to discover whether plushies are born that way or made a choice. Until we find out, we at least know that you don't have to be married to a Kardashian to have sex with over-stuffed animals. 


No comments: