BREAKING NEWS: 9/25/17

More than 60 priests, theologians and academics have accused Pope Francis of heresy in relation to his 2016 opening to divorced and civilly remarried Catholics.

They urged the Pope, instead, to do his job of protecting pedophile priests from the law.

New Yorkers are still feeling the effects of Mayor Bill deBlasio proclaiming last Tuesday "Morning Joe Day" on the show's 10th anniversary.

Businesses reported a spike in co-workers engaging in sordid affairs behind their spouses' backs.

Prime tickets to the limited-engagement concert Springsteen on Broadway are going for $10,000 on StubHub, while $75 seats are selling for $1,400.

In response, Bruce Springsteen said he was happy that his hardworking fans are able to find tickets to the sold-out show.

Male scientists at the Indiana University School of Public Health surveyed over 1,000 adult women, and discovered that 73 percent of them need or prefer direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse to achieve orgasm.

Responses from the scientists ranged from "Now they tell us!" to "What the heck is that?"

Showtime has bought the television rights to The President is Missing, a novel co-written by Bill Clinton. 

The book is based on his marriage to Hillary.

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