THANK YOU, AMERICA

While families across America  were giving thanks for family, friends, and good health, my gratitude was aimed directly at the exposure of celebrity sexual harassers and abusers, along with their enablers, supporters, and voters. Once again, they've lived up to stereotypes that make me comfortable in painting them all with a large, sloppy brush.

The proud people of Alabama, for instance. There was a time, really not all that long ago, when I thought Southerners were getting an unfair shake. Yes, there was that little kerfuffle in the mid-19th century regarding the buying and owning of human beings for unpaid servitude, followed by another 75 or so years of lynching and other assorted violent behavior toward people who were either non-Christian or, mostly, non-white.

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey swears to uphold the
nation's belief that her state is made up of morons.

But that was then. This is now... when there's a large swath of Alabamans who are totally down with a racist, homophobic, pedophile representing them in the U.S. Senate. Even the state's Governor -- a woman! -- admitted Judge Roy Moore was guilty of heinous sex crimes, but still proudly stated that she was voting for him. That's walking the walk, brother.

Despite many polls predicting the opposite, I truly hope come January, Moore will be sworn in as Senator of the state of Alabama. I want those southern-fried crackers to live up to my low opinions of them. It'll make this blog so much easier to write. 

Not that folks above the Mason-Dixon line all wear the wings of angels. Behind curtain one, we have Sen. Al Franken, who, by all accounts, is admired and respected by colleagues both Democrat and Republican. He also has, at last count, four women claiming sexual shenanigans, some during his time in the Senate, along with a fifth who recounts a hair-raising verbal-abuse episode in 2000.  

If it's a guy, Franken touches the shoulder.

All this is small change compared to most of the others accused of the same misbehavior. However, it would have been enough to garner a rightly angry reception from women... if Franken were a Republican. Instead, a gaggle of former Saturday Night Live female colleagues have come to his defense, along with others who, now that the Jimmy Choo is on the other foot, claim that this is all a conspiracy emanating from the White House, while blaming the accuser.   Al Franken is innocent of these charges because... funny! Abortion!! Trump!!! Thank you, proud "progressives", for keeping me an official Independent who despises both parties.

No, Lena, the glasses don't make you smarter.

And while we're talking enablers, let's not forget (as much as I'd like to) Lena "All Women Must Be Believed" Dunham, who came to the defense of Girls writer/producer Murray Miller, who has been accused of raping a 17 year-old actress in 2012. Dunham, who has carved out a second career apologizing for ill-considered comments, predictably walked back her statement the following day. But just so you know she really is an utter hypocrite, Dunham has been accused of knowingly hanging out with racists  by one of her newsletter contributors.  The Voice of Her Generation doesn't appear to have denied that charge yet. You go, girl!

The best of this week's dolts, though, is Charlie Rose. I won't bother linking any of the myriad of reports concerning his behavior. Just ask Alexa. It might be the only time you'll hear her vomit.

Aren't news anchors supposed to report the truth?

Although Rose was in the news business, what he shares with (the literal and figurative) fat fuck Harvey Weinstein is not only a litany of (literally and figuratively) unbelievable denials. Like Weinstein's claims that his sexual encounters were consensual -- would you consent to watch him take a shower? -- Rose's belief that the women had "shared feelings" regarding his desire to do the horizontal hula smacks of clinical delusion. 

I mean, he truly believed that 22 year-old women were interested in doing the disappearing cane trick with a 75 year-old who's looked like Boris Karloff's grandfather for the last three decades. Whose eyes have more bags than the luggage carousel at LAX. How is it that a guy with a reputed net worth of $25,000,000 couldn't afford a damn mirror? 

Come on down, ladies!

I'd mention  88 year-old Rep. John Conyers, but why bother? Just read the usual denial of what he's accused of. Oh, and Pixar's John Lasseter, too. (He considered running his hand up a woman's thigh toward her crotch "benign" behavior). It's like all these guys read How Powerful Ugly Guys Get Girls. 

So a big thank you to the men, women, Democrats, Republicans, conservatives, liberals, evangelicals and atheists, for making me feel better about myself. I am as imperfect a person as you'll ever meet, but I'll always know that pedophilia, rape, and unwanted sexual advances aren't the proper ways to win friends and influence people.

Unless I'm working for these folks and my job is on the line. Then it's "I had no idea!" It worked for Meryl Streep.

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