BREAKING NEWS: 7/3/2025

 On the eve of his 90th birthday, the Dalai Lama promised he plans to reincarnate,
insuring the institution will continue.

Upon hearing the announced, President Trump told supporters, "I've got a way around the 22nd Amendment! See you in 2060!"

Mark Penn, former pollster for Bill Clinton, warned Democrats not to support mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani, calling him an "anti-Semitic socialist."

Penn added, "It's safer to go with a proven winner like Hillary Clinton."

In related news, MSNBC host Rev. Al Sharpton has called on Andrew Cuomo to
drop out of the New York City mayoral race, urging the former governor to consider what would be in the best interest of New York City residents.

In response to Sharpton's remarks, Cuomo told reporters, "I don't think the reverend understands. I'm running in the best interest for billionaires and my need for political power by any means necessary."

After a vote that remained open for several hours as House Speaker Mike Johnson, R-La., tried to convince five holdouts to advance President Trump's signature legislation, the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, House Republicans have cleared a key hurdle, setting the bill up for final passage ahead of a self-imposed July 4 deadline.

When asked how poor people would be able to afford healthcare when Medicaid is slashed, Johnson replied, "Hey, Congressmen get free healthcare for life after five years. Maybe they should stop complaining and run for office!"

In related news, Brendan Buck, former advisor to Speakers Ryan and Boehner,
urged Republicans not to the pass budget bill, adding that they can do what's right for their constituents or Trump but not both.

A spokesman for the RNC said, "What would you rather get an invitation to, Mar-A-Lago or a trailer park?"

Avi Small, press secretary for New York Governor Kathy Hochul, was temporarily removed from his post following accusations he inappropriately touched another Hochul staffer at an Albany bar last month.

"In my defense," Small said in a press release, "I was only trying to pick up where Andrew Cuomo left off."

Megyn Kelly claimed Sydney Sweeney’s "enormous breasts" scored an invite to
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s wedding in Venice, Italy.

Kelly went on to admit, "Of course I'm jealous. I had to put out for Roger Ailes to get a job at Fox News. "

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