SUBTRACTING THE ADS, PT. 5

 The ads on the MSN news page must work some people. I just don't want to know who they are.

Born in the 1920s, remembers the 1890s. What's the opposite of Alzheimer's Disease?

For most families, that's the only way you're going to get them to do it.

... cheapest person they know.

Here's an idea: stop using credit cards.

Stop using credit cards!

STOP USING -- Ahh, forget it. Do you what you want, I don't care.

Click the little thingy that says, "DELETE ALL". You're welcome.

It would be nice if you didn't have to squint through the image on them,
though.

For those nights when you just can't sleep.

Whoever it is, I hope she has better grammar than this ad.

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SUBTRACTING THE ADS, PT. 5

 Due to the holidays, a visit from our daughter, and a cough/cold that's been torturing me for almost two weeks, I've been lax in posting -- which might be a Christmas gift to some of you. So just to make it easy on both of us, here's a brief return to my newsfeed's ads that make less sense than the newsfeed itself.

How many times do I have tell you, Barack, you didn't lose -- you weren't allowed to run for a third term!

No, I don't. And since I've already looked, can I breathe now?

If a maid is charging only nine bucks to clean the apartment, she's probably no better than me.

This is what happens when copy editors drink on the job.

If the pilot gets this close to another jet, it's no wonder there's a 70% price discount.

The answer to your question is, yes, because it looks like those things are going to kill you faster than any cigarette.

Finally, an unretouched picture of JFK.

I could have sworn selling body parts online was illegal, but what do I know?

Nah, just stupider.

Now you tell me!

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SUBTRACTING THE ADS, PT. 2

 It appears that the advertisers on my Microsoft Edge entertainment page didn't get the message the first time I made fun of them. Once again, I need to set them straight. Remember, folks, anybody trying to sell you something by making it look legit is immediately a criminal.

"And give it to me!"

Well, they switched careers. You tell me.

You're not going to believe this, but there's something they've got now called a LIGHT. And -- hold on to your hats -- it works on ELECTRICITY! I know, it sounds dangerous, but hear me out...

Yeah, brace yourself to a lifetime of celibacy.

If they expect a reply from an enlarged prostate, hoo-boy, have they got a long wait ahead of them.

No, I don't. Do I still need to take a deep breath before I see How? And who is How? Uh oh, sounds like another Abbott & Costello routine in the making!

I wondered what happened to Eva Braun!

I already know my tip for thinning hair: start getting thicker! Too bad it won't listen to me.

OnlyFans! 

As soon as I figure out what the hell you're saying, I'm in!

1. Elder porn.

2. Petnapping in Beverly Hills.

3. You can't go wrong with Power Ball.

4. Working as Madonna's Photoshop advisor.

5. Purina in place of Star-Kist.

6. Rip off people with ads like this.

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