THE YELLOW TAPE BLUES

Yorkville: Manhattan's own flyover country.

For an area I gladly consider the most boring part of Manhattan, my neighborhood of Yorkville has recently seen more action than Sarah Ferguson at a toe-sucking convention. Last weekend, part of it was blocked off for a total of 14 hours, thanks to right-wing idiots and would-be terrorists who don't even live here. 

Monday passed without incident, while Tuesday started out like a late spring morning. Temperatures promised to be hovering in the low 70s by lunchtime, perfect for a picnic my wife and I would share in Carl Schurz Park... until receiving a "Notify NYC" email reading "Due to police activity, expect traffic delays, road closures, mass transit disruptions, and a heavy presence of emergency personnel in the area of East End Avenue and East 88th Street in Manhattan." 

So that explained all those helicopters I'd been vaguely aware of hovering overhead for the previous half hour. Looks like the bomb squad's here again, honey!

Just another day in our bucolic neighborhood.

With trusty Android in hand, I walked east a half block, where I was greeted by yellow police tape shutting off East End Avenue from 84th Street to 88th. Cops, reporters and locals were milling about, all with expressions that read Here we go again. 

I asked one cop if he knew what was going on. He replied, "Yeah, but I can't tell you." He explained that he didn't want the nearby news camera to pick up any information with its boom microphone. This didn't prevent rumors flying around like unmanned drones -- one bomb found, three bombs found, even Donald Trump leaving office were all mentioned by people who in reality had no frigging idea what the facts were. My advice: listen to the cop who can't tell you anything.

You mean we're gonna have to walk all the way
to Central Park for lunch?

Our picnic would have to be postponed too, since all of Carl Schurz Park's 15 square acres were roped off as well. This was indeed a sad moment for the kiddies whose nannies bring them to its playground. On the other hand, I would have paid cash money to see the pickleball players get the heave-ho. You just knew those overgrown Ping Pong chumps probably threw a fit being denied their daily 30 minutes of glory.

"Hey, I'm down here!"

A reporter from WCBS-TV news was on the scene covering the... well, I was going to say "action", but there was really nothing to see other than flashing police lights and cops not answering our questions. 

This left the reporter to interview locals who wanted some screentime on the afternoon news. The hard-hitting questions I could hear being asked were along the lines of, "What do you think of this activity in your neighborhood?" and "Does this make you afraid?" And you just know she wanted people to answer the second question in the affirmative. Fear sells.

Mayor Mamdani might have to keep this
handy for future recycling. 

Unlike the weekend's drama, the lockdown was lifted in the midafternoon, as the "suspicious device" was not so suspicious after all. Whether it was just an empty soda bottle or something similar gussied-up as a bomb just for laughs depends on what news report you read or heard. 

By 4:00, Yorkville returned to its normal state of daily sameness. Although I'm unsure what that sameness really is now.

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