MOST LIKELY YOU GO YOUR WAY (AND HE'LL GO HIS)

 For all the curveballs life throws at us, there are always a few things we can count on. Journalists using the word "earthquake" to describe any political result they weren't expecting. Commercial breaks on Netflix appearing in the middle of a vital line of dialogue. Some oaf sneezing without covering his mouth just as you walk past him on the street.

"It's not changing one goddamn bit."

Towering above all these, steadfast as the sun rising in the east or the tides controlled by the moon's gravitational pull, is this: People complaining about Bob Dylan concerts. 

You know the drill. I couldn't understand the lyrics. He sounded terrible. He never acknowledged us. He didn't sing the hits. He sang the hits but gave them different arrangements. I didn't know he was singing "John Wesley Harding" until 10 seconds before the song ended. 

Have any of these muttonheads not read a review of a Dylan show in the last quarter-century? This is Bob's whole shtick. This is how Bob is. This is who Bob is. Anyone expecting something different is being willfully stupid. It's like being stunned that Paul McCartney is an entertainer. 

Noel Paul or Bob -- which one looks cooler?

The latest person to be shocked, shocked I tell you, that Bob Dylan concerts don't replicate evenings at the Gaslight Cafe circa 1961 is Noel Paul Stookey, better known by his middle name when he was the tall guy in Peter, Paul & Mary. What is Mr. Stookey's reaction to Bob's "Never Ending Tour"?

 “I’m saddened by it. Because that’s all he’s got. I mean, that’s all he’s got. He hides behind a piano when he plays. I saw him recently in Boston. It must be really, really difficult for him to have a real relationship with somebody. I mean, unless he’s got a separate little place that he runs to, in which case, God bless you, Bob Dylan."

Did Mr. Stookey become Dr. Stookey, Psy.D. when my back was turned? Really, you can figure out someone's personal life by the way he plays piano? Unless that pianist is named Liberace, I call bullshit on Mr. Stookey's analysis. 

And don't forget Sebastian Cabot.

You know what kind of relationships Mr. Stookey has? I dunno! I can't analyze his private life by the way he plays acoustic guitar. But I know what he doesn't have: a musical legacy that reaches back roughly 65 years, and that has influenced musicians as varied as the Beatles, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springsteen, and David Bowie. 

Hell, if he had never written anything other than "Blowin' in the Wind", "Like a Rolling Stone", "Masters of War", and "The Times They Are A-Changing", he'd be legendary. You could read every book analyzing Dylan's songs, style, and impact, and still never live long enough to finish them.

Nothing says "folk music" like wardrobe from
from Bloomingdale's.

Peter, Paul & Mary, on the other hand, were created by music manager Albert Goldman to cash in on the folk craze. Only Peter Yarrow had a folk background. Paul was part of a band that combined pop music with comedy, while Mary Travers was a Broadway chorus girl. 

They were to folk music what Pat Boone was to rock & roll: well-dressed young people meant to record bland, non-threatening, chicken broth-smooth versions of the real thing for the masses. Oh, and "Puff the Magic Dragon"? More like "Choke the Tragic Flagon". (I'm sure that has some kind of meaning if you think about it hard enough.)

Pat Boone is a CIA psyop.

If Peter, Paul & Mary deserve any credit, it was adding to Bob Dylan's coffers by recording radio-friendly versions of his songs, the way Pat Boone crooning "Ain't That a Shame" and "Tutti-Fruitti" made money for Fats Domino and Little Richard. As Mr. Stookey would condescendingly say, God bless you, Pat Boone.

If Mr. Stookey hadn't believed Dylan would change his act just for him, his comments regarding the concert might have been, "What can you say? It's Bob being Bob. I knew what to expect. And you know, I tip my hat to him for following his muse, whatever it is, no matter what anybody says. That's Bob all over, isn't it?" And Mr. Stookey would chuckle and sip his dandelion tea.

How have other fans reacted to Bob over the years? And how did he react? Let's see,

Booed him when switched to rock & roll in 1965. Didn't care. 

Scratched their heads when he recorded a country album in 1969. Didn't care.

Hated the Self-Portrait album in 1970. Didn't care. 

Freaked out when he "went Christian" in 1979. Didn't care. 

Gave up on him when he used synthesizers in 1985. Didn't care. 

DGAF

Wept when he let an accounting firm use "The Times They are A-Changing" in a commercial in 1994. Didn't care. 

Choked when he sold his music catalogue to Universal for around $400-million in 2020. Didn't care.

Threw in the towel when he sold his master recordings to Sony in 2022. Didn't care. 

Keep showing up to his concerts even though they're going to complain in 2026. Doesn't care.

If you can't figure out Bob Dylan by now... guess what.

                                                    ##########