UNDER COVID, PT. 14: THE BIG COVER-UP OF 2020

No prob, bro, no prob.

New York, or at least the part of the city I live in, has reached the tipping point. There are now more people wearing facial covering than not. Possibly 75% of pedestrians are unidentifiable -- perfect if you're suddenly in the mood to rob a bank. 

More are also keeping their distance on the sidewalk. People are actively avoiding each other. Fine. Anywhere there's one person I don't know, you can be sure I want to keep it that way.

I haven't walked further south than 79th Street in a month. Even for a homebody like me, that's taking things to extreme. But as of this morning, the area one ZIP code over from 
us has a percentage of  COVID cases almost double ours. Being a solitudinarian, then, has its positives.

Dr. Gillespie's new
assistant.

As for my wife and me, we decided that wearing buffs and scarves over our faces while at the grocery store didn't cut it anymore. We broke down and bought masks at the deli on the corner -- because where else you gonna get safety supplies? 

Admittedly, I was self-conscious the first time I wore my mask. In fact, I would have been even more self-conscious if Sue hadn't advised me I was wearing it inside out. Good thing she did, too -- blue always look good on me.

I could have sworn I saw this screenshot in a 1990s sci-fi movie.

This would be a good compromise on date night.

Gov. Cuomo is keeping New York shut down for at least another four weeks.  At some point, masks will probably become a permanent feature in every day life. Fashion designers will make $500 masks with their logo on them. Blind dates will be faceless, too, making for awkward moments when you finally realize you've spent the evening with somebody who looks like Jack Pennick or Edna May Oliver. 

My neighbors' widespread use of masks comes on the heels of yesterday's official instructions. In the morning, Mayor de Blasio strongly suggested that city store owners not allow in any shopper who wasn't wearing some kind of facial covering, adding that the city would provide cops to take care of matters if anyone balked. That's just what these guys signed up for: to throw people out of the fruit section at Whole Foods.

Some people quote Churchill. Others...

A couple of hours later, Gov. Cuomo -- never wanting to be outdone by his downstate rival -- went one step further and advised all New Yorkers to make with the cover-up when they stepped outside. And in his usual deadpan humorous delivery, Cuomo let us know that he didn't care if it was color coordinated or used as advertising. Great -- more shills.

I used a 1918 photo because I'd probably get sued if
I posted a contemporary shot of a Trump-hater
in this mask.

And then I thought... if our gangster president -- who claims to be a billionaire -- wanted to do something to further promote his brand, he would pay for the manufacture of a few million masks with TRUMP plastered on them, then make them available for free throughout the country.

Sure, nobody in New York or California would wear them. But out in Trump Country USA, they would snap those things up like guns and cheap liquor. People who defiantly go without masks, congregate by the hundreds at church, and party at possum barbecues would suddenly be walking around protected courtesy their president. They would be doing their part to stop the spread of the Chinese Virus!

But Trump places money over people's health. Looks like it's up to Whole Foods to steal my idea.

By the way, when quoting Joe Friday this morning, Gov. Cuomo reminded us that Dragnet was "an underappreciated cinematic treasure". And while he was deadpan, I don't think he was being humorous this time.

                                                              ***************