OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK, PT. 3

For most of the past year, social distancing kept me further apart than usual
from my fellow New Yorkers. It was a wonderful thing.

Over the last few months, however, we're becoming a little more comfortable around each other -- thus, giving me the chance to once again catch bits and pieces of conversations that I have no business listening to. But how can it be helped when people insist on talking in public?

40ish man talking to a doctor: "It would probably be easier if I told you what I wasn't taking." 

One guy to another, 1st Avenue: "... so I was waiting for my rectal..."

Sweating, pregnant woman in Central Park talking on her iPhone: "I'm ready to burst out of my sports bra."

Another young woman in Central Park on her iPhone: "Look, I know my periods and I'm not pregnant!"

20-something guy in Carl Schurz on iPhone: "...So I was gonna call Carrie and, like, slam someone against the wall..."

Young woman on iPhone: "He waxes his entire body to be in a video on YouTube?!"

One background actor to another, talking about a project he worked on: "Hitler was non-union!"

Woman on iPhone in Central Park, bragging about walking  to work: ",,, and with global warming, I don't even need to wear a coat!"

Woman on iPhone, talking about her dog: "He sleeps in my bed, and snores and farts all night. So it's a lot like sleeping with Jerry."

One guy to another on East 85th Street off 2nd Avenue: "Alex is the only person I know who can talk about anal sex for three hours without repeating himself."

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OVERHEARD IN NYC, PT. 2

As my creative block -- or disinterest -- continues, I've come to rely on my fellow New Yorkers for material. Here are a few I've been able to remember, or to enter into my Notebook app. All dialogue is, unfortunately, quite real.


GROCERY STORE, YORK AVE & 79TH ST. Two adult women, one older than the other:
YOUNGER: Where's the things?
OLDER: The things?
YOUNGER: The things you put the stuff in.
OLDER: You mean the bags?

OFFICE SUPPLY STORE, LEXINGTON & 87TH ST. 70ish woman at checkout counter, returning items, to manager:
"Could you help us? I have a fractured vertebrate and can't stand long."

CENTRAL PARK. One 30ish woman to another: 
"Jews can't hold their liquor."

CARL SCHURZ PARK. One 20-something to another: 
"Imagine if we had dinner with Neil Patrick Harris"

CARL SCHURZ PARK. Old man to old woman:
OLD MAN: "I'm 83 years old. I'm a Holocaust survivor. I was seven."
OLD WOMAN: "I'm 100 years old. I hate it."

Same old woman to friend: 
"It's really hot today. But I think it's cooler."

UPPER EAST SIDE. 40ish man on cell phone: 
"He knows an anesthesiologist, but he doesn't know a mechanic?"

EAST 85TH ST. 60ish woman to friend: 
"He lives next door to a poke restaurant, he'll never eat at home."

FIRST AVENUE BUS. 20-something woman to a friend:
 "I have a really good picture of her, stupid and drunk."

EAST 91ST STREET, 30ish woman on cell phone:
"I'm on Ninety-Onest Street."

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The previous "Overheard in New York" can be found here.

OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK

Some years ago, before my daughter became an honorary resident of the Lower East Side, she was actually a little scared of that area. I wasn't aware of that until we were taking the subway to Houston St. to meet up with my wife and her brother's family at a restaurant. 

"Do you know where we're going?" she asked with great concern, as we walked up the subway station stairs and out to the street.

"Of course, don't worry," I replied confidentially, "there's nothing to be afraid of here."

As soon as I finished that sentence, one of the locals walked by muttering, "I'm gonna kill somebody. I'm gonna kill somebody!" Pay no attention to the homeless fellow, my child.

Recently, I decided to start paying attention to the random comments made by New Yorkers. None of them have been as good as that from the gentleman on Houston St., but all of them stuck in my mind.

E. 86TH ST. One 8 year-old boy to another: "Would you rather be killed by lava or drown by water?"

YORK AVE. 4 year-old boy singing: "Boys are greater than girls, boys are greater than girls...", before asking his parents, "Are boys greater than girls?"

EAST 91ST. 8 year-old boy to father: "Hey dad, you know that new field? I really hate it!"

YORK AVE. One guy in his 60s to another: "...that's the schmuck who fucked up the pre-industries!" (Note: I have no idea what a pre-industry is.)

YORK AVE. One 70ish guy to another: "I almost dropped dead yesterday!"

E. 69TH ST. 70ish woman training her dog: "Goddammit, walk!"

E. 73RD ST. Mother to  her 10 year-old son: "Don't think the police are going to let you slide just because you're a kid."

E. 84TH ST. Middle aged man on cellphone: "Steve, when doctors start giving you that doctor shit, you can't do it."

1ST AVE. Elderly woman with a walker, to woman going the other way: "Evelyn! Evelyn, is that you? Evelyn?... (to herself) I guess it's not Evelyn." 

E. 84TH ST. 30ish woman outside a daycare center, speaking on cellphone: "I'm going to court on Tuesday and this shit is just crazy and I'm ready to kill somebody."  

Yes! Another random death threat. Thank you, New York!

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