YOU CAN'T SING WITHOUT OPENING YOUR MOUTH

Hey don't forget, a bunch of swell women, too!

In 1938, the sponsor of Bob Hope's radio series switched from Woodbury Soap to
Pepsodent. Hope, already known for political jokes, received only one piece of advice from his new boss: "Remember, Democrats and Republicans brush their teeth." 

What he was saying, of course, was Take it easy, don't offend our customers. 

Boy, does that seem quaint now. Social media has allowed celebrities to clue us in as to how they vote, what they support, and, in the case of John Leguizamo, who they don't want watching their movies. You'd think he'd appreciate the irony of making money off people who would like to arrest him, but they're already "boycotting" The Odyssey for political reasons, anyway.

Bruce Springsteen is now catching flack from right-wingers who are offended that he's taken stands against ICE shooting innocent Americans, the wannabe dictator in the White House, and his corrupt enablers who are doing their best to prevent a fair election. Only in 2026 America can this be considered divisive.

Greetings from Bristol, TN

The former fans who have turned their back on their former Boss clearly weren't listening to the lyrics back when Springsteen was still an Asbury Park phenom. Any lyric about "the working man" is political. (Even Tennessee Ernie Ford's "16 Tons" -- St. Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go/I owe my soul to the company store -- could have been a Springsteen song.) 

That would have been made clear when he released "Born in the USA" in
1984...if he had made a point of enunciating the lyrics in an acoustic version rather than yelling them incomprehensively over an anthemic arrangement that rivalled "Born to Run" for sheer bombast.

Which, in my humble conspiratorial opinion, was the whole idea. Make sure the title was sung clear as the noonday sun, while the rest of the song -- about a Vietnam vet who returns to the USA without a job or anybody who really cares -- could be shouted out at concerts by fratboys as "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah", and referred to by then-President Reagan as a "message of hope". As in Bruce and the producer hoping it would go to number one. 

Nah, he's not really pissing on the flag.

What's different now is that Bruce is explicitly political, on and offstage. It's a road that Mick Jagger recently said he doesn't take: "The bottom thing, really, is that my job in the live music world [for] those people that come is to have the best time they possibly can. For two hours or whatever it is, to forget all their problems of the world and their mortgages and whatever, just to give them the best time they can have." 

Well yeah, so does Bruce Springsteen. The difference is, the Rolling Stones' music was never political. People who tell Bruce to "shut up and sing" don't listen to him anyway -- or, if they ever did, never really paid attention to any of his lyrics that didn't include "car" or "drive". 

Springsteen fans eagerly come out for every album, every concert, every TV appearance because they know what he's saying. They agree with him. Democrats and Republicans both listen to music, but, as with toothpaste, ultimately prefer their own products. 

PS: The only Springsteen recordings I've ever owned are the 12-inch remix of "Dancing in the Dark" and an early mix bootleg of "Born to Run" that's even more bombastic and overstuffed than the single he eventually released. Many of his fans loathed the former due to its synth-dance arrangement, and would probably gag at the latter. I get a kick out of them. Ergo, I'm not a real fan.

                                                   ###############

AMERICA'S MANIAC

Former Mayor Rudy Nosferatu.

The news of Rudy Giuliani being hospitalized in "critical but stable condition" has
shocked many. When was the last time Giuliani considered stable? 

I don't think Rudy will be dead by the time you read this, anyway. That would require holy water and a wooden stake. 

For Rudy, that might be a more preferable outcome. His downfall from heroic "America's Mayor" to drunken "Trump Toady" is the stuff of opera on par with Otello or Pagliacci. The first involves political intrigue, the second, a buffoon. Both are fitting.

For anyone who lived in New York from the 1980s as I did, the difference between the Koch/Dinkins years and Rudy's two terms was something out of a classic Western: a new sheriff arrives to clean up a once-great, now lawless city. 

Rudy in his human form.

And when I say "clean up", I mean it literally. Sidewalks, subways, gutters were seemingly overnight cleared of trash, dogshit, and graffiti overnight. Where crime once ruled, order returned. Tourism rose along with new businesses big and small. 

Yes, Rudy could be arrogant, and certainly some cops felt like they were allowed to do whatever they wanted for the sake of "law and order". But overall, living in New York was something to be proud of, thanks to our new mayor. 

People felt safe for the first time in years, perhaps decades. Giuliani's leadership -- stoic, honest, compassionate -- got the city through the aftermath of 9/11, offering him a national platform no mayor had enjoyed since Fiorello LaGuardia. Unless you consider Ed Koch's "How'm I doin'?" routine a platform.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hell, I was ready to vote for Rudy for president in 2008. But by then, his New

York style of Republicanism -- pro-gun control, pro-gay rights, among other beliefs -- doomed him. His campaign of skipping the early primaries in hopes of sweeping Florida (apparently the home of all ex-New Yorkers) was an idea equaled only by Jay Leno's nightly 10:00 series.

Those seven years between 9/11 and Primary Day might as well have been a century. The day after losing Florida, Rudy called it quits. 

The only place Hillary and Rudy could smile
together was at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

Rudy could have used his remaining years doing stuff all ex-politicians do. Penning his memoirs. Making speeches. Taking seven-figure, no-show "consulting" jobs. He'd likely have been a welcome presence on Saturday Night Live from time to time. And he always, always would have been introduced as "America's Mayor". Not a bad way to end a career if you think about it.

Only there was one thing Rudy Giuliani appeared to think about. Like his friend Donald Trump, he was consumed by revenge. First, for not being president. Second -- and this was far worse -- realizing his planned Senate run came to naught once Hillary Clinton entered the race. 

This is what selling your soul looks like.

I don't have to recount what happened afterwards, other than to describe it as

two decades of self-humiliation and immolation. To go into further detail would take a biographer on the level of Robert Caro. 

A simple Google Image search of "Rudy Giuliani" shows the steady decline into decrepit distemper. The image of "America's Mayor" walking with police at the rubble of the World Trade Center has been replaced by a pop-eyed maniac sweating cheap hair dye down his face while spreading nutty conspiracy theories. 

Critical? Yes. Stable? Not in a New York minute.

                                                             ###############

REPUGNANT RUPERT

Tie this sex-offender down, sport.

You've got to hand it to primeval publisher Rupert Murdoch, Australia's worst
export since Rolf Harris -- and not just for "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" either. 

Murdoch might be a right-wing hack who would sell out his family if it meant saving his own skin (and a few dollars, if it came down to that). But he also has his 95-year-old finger in the air. 

Trump requests that Murdoch kiss his feet.

For a while, Donald Trump was the ideal president for Murdoch newspapers: Republican, rightwing, businessman, friend of billionaires yet somehow convinced low-IQ, working class tabloid readers that he was going to better their lives by cutting their healthcare and giving tax breaks to the rich.

That worked for Trump's first term, when, as they say, the "grown-ups were in the room". But now that he's surrounded by advisors and cabinet members who are incompetent at best and demoniac at worst, the MAGA maggots are taking a second look at the man they once thought was bought and paid for by Jesus Christ, Super Republican.

Your kids are going to fight the war
that his kids won't.

A series of extraordinary bad steps, ranging from the healthcare debacle (Hey,
when you said you were going to cut healthcare, I thought it was only going to be Democrats!), ICE deporting anyone with an accent or a Z in their last name (Hey, when you said getting rid of Latinos, I didn't know it was going to be my family!), killing protestors (Hey, I thought you were only going to kill minorities!) were just the beginning. 

Yet it took the war on Iran to finally convince a growing number of true believers that they were bamboozled by the biggest conman outside of... well, nobody else in history. And now their favorite English-speaking strongman is appearing mighty weak.

Re-enter Rupert Murdoch. As publisher of The Wall Street Journal, he long ago gave the OK for its editors to go full-steam ahead on bashing the Trump administration, while allowing his major American tabloid New York Post to continue its rah-rah cheerleading coverage. 

Miserable man, indeed.

But what to make of his UK mouthpiece, the Daily Mail? While its top of the fold headline is the usual culture war slop, it's the main story that speaks the loudest.

A BIZARRE KIND OF VICTORY isn't about is a goal made by a dog that's run onto the football pitch. Uh-uh. The Daily Mail -- which supported Trump's insults of Prime Minister Starmer -- openly disdains the administration's victory declaration regarding the war. 

"The world mocks" are three words that Trump and his gang of idiots really, really do not want placed within a mile of their names. And while they might expect that from the New York Times or the Morning Joe crew, to see it in a usually reliably friendly Daily Mail -- on the front page yet! -- must be particularly galling to the dementia-stricken would-be dictator.

Megyn takes a moment from fellating Satan
to yell at Republicans for not banning any
non-Christian from holding office. 

Murdoch, who allegedly (but likely) was quoted as wishing Trump dead, hasn't
really undergone a come-to-the-real-Jesus moment any more than deranged podcasters like Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly or Alex Jones who are calling for Trump's removal from office. Those latter three (along with the other once-loyal Trump minions) are just feeling the same wind blowing up Murdoch's Australian ass. They might even be angry that Trump's antics have temporarily derailed Project 2025 from completely taking over the government. Like Trump's antics, it's all for ratings and money. Neither MAGA fans nor the MS NOW anchors seem to realize that they're being used by a different set of grifters. 

No healthcare. Higher taxes. Deporting family members. Killing white people in the streets. And yet Trump still has the support of at least a third of the population. If all the things he's done wrong are OK with those folks, then they're going to love today's news that, come December, they and their sons will be automatically registered for the draft. And that's military, not NCAA. 

Guess they weren't counting on that when they cheered those bombs dropping on Iran. Hey, that was supposed to be poor blacks and Latinos in the military, not us!

                                                               ***********

WITH ALL THE FRILLS UPON IT

You can be sure that New York's new Archbishop
was delighted to have this crew on the stairs of
St. Patrick's Cathedral.

Another Easter come and gone! As usual, here in New York, folks celebrated the
resurrection of the Lord and Saviour by parading down Fifth Avenue while looking like escapees from a lunatic asylum. Atheists might find such a thing appropriate.

What do you suppose the GOP reaction would
have been to Barack Obama saying "Praise be
to Allah" on Easter?

Speaking of lunatics, our president made sure to mark the holiest of days with one of his usual thoughtful remarks. Does anyone know if the morning crew on Fox News quoted Trump word for word?

Ooh, he's so tough!

Meanwhile, Sen. Chuck Schumer offered one of his rip-snorting, fist-pounding responses to Trump we've come to expect. Way to tell him off, Chucko! And for God's sakes, be sure not to demand a response from your GOP colleagues. That would demand a spine.

"Once we take over, Bari will be the first to go."

To round out the day, Franklin Graham, was asked to give a homily at the end of 60 Minutes. Because who else is better to speak the word of the Lord than a right-wing racist, homophobic, anti-Muslim Evangelist who supports the insane, sexual harassing pedophile-in-chief currently occupying the White House?

By the way, the appearance by Graham -- who compares homosexuality to murder -- should be a sign that Bari Weiss will do everything she can to promote right-wing Christianity in order to make her target audience forget she's a Jewish lesbian -- who dated leftwing SNL lesbian Kate McKinnon!  Clever girl, our Bari! 

                                                                  ************

SIXTY MINUTES, ZERO CREDIBILITY

The Weiss way of fixing 60 Minutes.

Bari Weiss can't help looking like a neutron bomb in her quest to reshape CBS News into something nobody except Larry Ellison asked for. After getting rid of the network's radio division, Weiss is taking her ax to its crown jewel, 60 Minutes. Her motto seems to be "It became necessary to destroy CBS News in order to save it." Because a similar move worked so well in Vietnam.

Depending on who's tipping off the press, what Weiss is planning has been described as a "change in tone", "shake-up", or "bloodbath".  Oddly, one of her complaints is the number of "soft" pieces 60 Minutes has run lately -- like, since she became the news division's editor-in-chief. In fact, Weiss' most famous move so far was spiking a hard-hitting story about abuses at an ICE detention center in Venezuela, so I don't understand what her gripe is.

Kate McKinnon (middle) likely prefers
memories of hanging with Greta Gerwig
(left) in theater class.

(What would make a great story is how Weiss dated former Saturday Night Live cast member Kate McKinnon during their days at Columbia University. Don't worry, Kate, everyone has that How did I sleep with that person? stage in their life.)

According to a "source familiar with the situation" -- there are a lot of those people around in every profession, aren't there? -- Weiss is ready to "blow it up as soon as the season is over." This evokes an image of her placing an Acme Portable Explosion Device at CBS headquarters. And, to paraphrase a previous wisecrack, we know how well that worked for the Coyote.

Bari Wess was minus-16 when 60 Minutes debuted.

Weiss wants to clean house both behind and in front of the camera, hoping to

bring in younger correspondents. Now, I understand her desire for new blood. There are, I'm sure, plenty of youngbloods who are champing at the bit (or the CBS eye) to prove their mettle. 

The big problem, as I've pointed out more than once, is that the "younger audience" so desired by networks doesn't watch "legacy" media. And the folks who tune into 60 Minutes do so in part because their current correspondents, whose combined ages is Old As The Hills, are perceived as wise, trustworthy, and unafraid to confront the powers-that-be.

One old-timer will still host the show.

Weiss' desire, on the other hand, is to hire whippersnappers whose points of views align with hers. Meaning something like Russia's TASS news agency. Which forces me to repeat, yet again, that audience already has Fox News.

To sum up: Bari Weiss will "improve" 60 Minutes by losing their current viewers while not gaining any new ones. To paraphrase a previous wisecrack once more, Tony Dokoupil can fill you in on how that's going for CBS Evening News. 

                                                 **********************

ZOHRAN OVER TRUMP

In the weirdest political courtship since James Carville and Mary Matalin (or Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler, depending on your feelings toward the men in question), Mayor Zohran Mamdani and President Donald Trump were on the same page concerning two New York issues. Issues that, theoretically, should have put them further apart than Jelly Roll and Joan Baez. 

The first of Mamdani's asks was for help in getting $21-billion in grants for affordable apartments and -- get this -- a new neighborhood in the Sunnyside section of Queens. I didn't even know you could build a new neighborhood, but that's why I'm not a mayor or real estate developer. Well, there are other reasons, none having to do with the Epstein files (where the real estate developer is mentioned over 1,000 times).

How did it go? According to Mamdani's press secretary Joe Calvello, “The president was very enthusiastic about this idea." Maybe Trump's addled mind thought the housing would be used to imprison people with non-white skin color. But let's be optimistic and take him at his (usually misanthropic) word.

Their voters would ask, "What's not wrong with
this picture?"

Aware that Trump is a sucker for positive headlines and phony awards, Mamdani sweetened the deal by gifting him with a mock-up of a New York Daily News front page paying fealty with “Backs new era of housing" and “Trump delivers 12,000+ homes, most since 1973.” You can see by the photo how both men felt about this folderol. Or, as it's called now, performative politics.

The second issue centered on the arrest of Columbia University student Elimina Aghayeva by -- who else? -- ICE goons. In a rare moment of not condemning or mocking a person with a name he couldn't pronounce, Trump agreed with Mamdani that it wasn't a good idea and had her freed a few hours later.

I repeat: Donald Trump freed from ICE custody a foreigner with a funny name on the request of the Socialist Mayor of New York from Kampala, Uganda. What kind of a world are we living in?

When hardcore Mamdani supporters ask their hero How can you work with that terrible person?, he can reply, That's how you get shit done sometimes. You don't like it? Vote for Adams next time. 

When hardcore MAGA screams, Why did you help that Commie mayor with tax money and freeing a foreigner from ICE, Trump can reply, Look, I just bombed Iran!

                                                            ******************

FILE UNDER: AWFUL PEOPLE

 As the Epstein files continue to roll out, people across the political spectrum may have to rethink their long-held beliefs. For the royalists, it's that Harry and Meghan were the worst things to happen to the Royal Family since the Duke of Windsor said, "Hi, Hitler!" to his charming host. Which, in their heart of hearts, they likely defend,

Remember, this was Queen Elizabeth's
favorite son.

For the left, it's that the crazy QAnon cult might not have been so crazy after all. Remember guffawing when they warned about an international sex/pedophile ring involving the world's elite? I sure do. It's like learning there really is a Santa Claus, only instead of children receiving gifts, they're being trafficked to the highest bidder. 

When I use the word "elite", it has nothing to do with education. For how stupid does one have to be not to wonder why your best friend is constantly snapping photos of you, preferably in the kind of compromising positions that two-bit private eyes would trade their best fedoras for? 

I didn't think anything could top Prince Andrew Andrew Mountbatten Windsor proudly pawing the prone body of a young woman -- or girl, perhaps? -- while making sure Jeffrey Epstein or one of his minions snapped away from various angles.

"Does it turn you on when I
commit treason, luvvie?"

But then came Peter Mandelson, the UK's Ambassador to the US, chatting with another young woman --or girl, perhaps? -- while clad only in a t-shirt and tighty-whities. Did it not occur to Mandelson to ask, "Hang on, mate, what's going on here?" 

Or had his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein gone so far from what is considered a normal friendship that he realized it was already too late to protest the most embarrassing image since your high school senior class photo? 

And talk about stupid -- this was the third time in his political career that Mendelson had been caught giving inside economic information to an American billionaire. It's good to know Prime Minister Kier Starmer is right up there with Donald Trump when it comes to hiring the best of the best. 

Woody and Soon-Yi follow their master in a rare
moment of sunshine.

Let's be fair, it isn't just the Brits who are up to their Wellies in Muck a la Epstein. Woody
Allen can no longer pretend to be just a regular schnook who spends his evenings listening to Benny Goodman 78s while banging out scripts on a 1960s manual typewriter. Not when he spent many wonderful evenings in Epstein's New York mansion he nicknamed "Castle Dracula" due to the "young women" roaming around. Did the Woodman not get the note that Epstein had served time for pedophilia in 2008? 

Let us, too, allow a moment of scrutiny of Woody's beloved Soon-Yi Previn's text to Jeffrey Epstein regarding Anthony Weiner's sexual hijinks with a 15-year-old girl:

Highlights for the TLDR crowd: I also thought it was disgusting what the 15-year-old did to him. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. What is her excuse for being a miserable human being?  And misspelling "weak" as "week".

This would actually make for a good Woody Allen movie! Can't you just picture Woody's character reacting to the New York Times publishing this correspondence? "What are you, crazy, I-I-I don't believe this!" Cue "Sing Sing Sing" as we see him pouring over every newspaper he can lay his hands on.

Alas, self-serious college students must be twisting themselves into intellectual pretzels as they ponder how their very own Plato, Noam Chomsky, hung with Jeffrey Epstein, billionaire enemy of the proletariat. 

No way is Chomsky going to fly coach with the
lowly working class.

They're not going to be able to explain this away Bill Maher-style by thinking It's good when opposing sides speak to each other. Not when Chomsky advises his private-jet-owning pal on how to handle the bad press surrounding his sex crimes:

" [...] the horrible way you are being treated in the press and public. It's painful to say, but I think the best way to proceed is to ignore it. What the vultures clearly want is a public response, which then provides a public opening of venomous attacks, many from just publicity seekers or cranks of all sorts -- which are impossible to answer." 

This is friend-to-the-workers Noam Chomsky advising one of the hated nomenklatura nine years after Epstein's sex conviction. His response to questions regarding their friendship -- "It is none of your business" -- is richer than Epstein. Had anyone else responded in such a way to their connection to a billionaire sex offender, Chomsky would have been on his high red horse like the Lone Ranger. 

"What, me worry?"

Not to worry, nobody is going to pay a price. Not Trump, Woody, Noam, Andrew, nobody. Unless you consider Andrew moving out of his house or Trump being on the receiving end of a toothless Saturday Night Live sketch or Woody not getting nominated for an Oscar or Noam not getting the Hasty Pudding Club award. 

We must all sadly admit QAnon might have been on to something. Now when will JFK, Jr. return to the grassy knoll as promised?

                                                          *************

METRO NO-WIN MAYOR

If the Post put the same effort in reporting
news as creating their front pages, they'd win
a Pulitzer Prize.

It should be obvious that the establishment fears Mayor
Zohran Mamdani not because he's going to destroy New York but that he will keep his promises without destroying it. 

Therefore, it's incumbent for the New York Post to churn out cut-and-paste front pages like the one on the right to amp up the fear factor. (I don't recall any tears when previous mayor Bill de Blasio declared Zoom classes would eliminate "snow days".) Expect future Post headlines like these:

MAM BEFORE THE STORM: Zohran holds storm press conference despite not having meteorology degree

NO SNOW ZO: Mamdani refuses to join New Yorkers sledding on hill outside Gracie Mansion

ZOVERTIME OVERDRIVE!: Mamdani okays snowplow operators to cash in on snowstorm by working overtime to keep streets clear 

ULYSSES S. MAMDANI: Historian says Zohran's beard similar to that of corrupt RINO president

ZO: "NO HO!": Mamdani cracks down on underage sex work, costing teens spending money

MOM, DAMNIT!: Mayor insists on single mothers having affordable healthcare whether they want it or not

ZOMNY CARD: Riders complain free buses more crowded: "Saving $3 not worth it"

ZO GROWS SHOPPING TIME: Longer lines at grocery stores as lower healthcare costs end choice between medicine or food

MAMDANI: "SALAMI? BALONEY!": Zohran's veggie meals hurting local meat industry

ZOHRAN NO RAN: Thousands run marathon in rain while Mamdani keeps dry at pricey UES restaurant

MAMDANI NOT GOING FOURTH: Fireworks as Mamdani declares Independence (Day) from all-American franks in favor of Mideastern kabobs

ZO DOC? NO DOCS!: Mamdani cures cancer, puts surgeons out of work

                                                      ****************

ADAMS & SKEEVE

 Like Long Covid or a pesky fly in the kitchen, Eric Adams will not go away. Less than two weeks after Zohran Mamdani was sworn into office, the former Mayor and present-day grifter turned up in Times Square -- an ironic spot for a guy who doesn't seem to understand that his time is up.

Adams announcing this scheme outside the
NYPD in Times Square -- this guy does not
understand the concept of irony.

In what was undoubtedly the opening salvo in his upcoming four-year attempt to
steal more than just the spotlight, Adams introduced the NYC Token. This isn't what you'd use to ride the subway, but a crypto currency that, will be used to  "address anti-Americanism, antisemitism, to teach our children how to embrace the blockchain technology of how to run cities correctly."

 Adams couldn't stop talking about -- make that took advantage of --antisemitism when the Muslim candidate kicked his ass in the primaries. Adams then ramped it up in the general election, when he received 6,897 votes out of over two million cast. While antisemitism is and will always be a problem, Adams (and his fellow fathead Andrew Cuomo) explicitly linked it to Mamdani. In their thirst to win the election, they were really campaigning on the anti-Muslim ticket. Who says politics is cynical?

So, while watching the news reports of the crooked-as-the-Shenandoah-River former mayor's crypto crap, I muttered to my wife, "This is just a pump and dump." Not like I'm any genius when it comes to economics -- every celebrity crypto business is a sham. Guess what happened.

Thirty minutes! That is some fast work there, pardner. Maybe faster than all those payoffs from Turkish officials. Here are some more details:

A wallet tied to the token’s deployer pulled $2.5 million in USDC liquidity at the market peak, only to re-add $1.5 million after the token’s price had already plunged more than 60%, according to Bubblemaps. The token’s market cap briefly touched $600 million before crashing below $110 million.

Observers likened the activity to the infamous LIBRA token collapse last year, where manipulated liquidity preceded a multi-million dollar wipeout. Critics also warned of centralized control and opaque fund flows.

Are you weeping yet?

Two kinds of people invest in celeb crypto. Wide-eyed fans who think some of that star-power translates into riches, and insiders who are out to scam them. And whether it's Kim Kardashian or Donald Trump, the scammers (and their friends) always win -- in this case, in a half hour. It doesn't matter how many times it happens, numbskulls fall for it.  And thank God because it gives me something to write about. As the president says, I like uneducated people. Sometimes.

Now Donald Trump's newest protégé successfully pulled a fast one on the public. If this is how "to teach our children how to embrace the blockchain of how to run cities correctly" as Adams promised, we've got a hell of a future ahead of us. It's all Mamdani's fault, I guess.

                                    *********************

RAPADOPE

Sure, I'd love to run into this dolt outside of
Gracie Mansion.

One week following Zohran Mamdani's inauguration as Mayor of New York, the race to oust him in 2029 has already begun. 

Please! Can't we go one month without political ads clogging up the airwaves again? Not if you're an actor who, as the Hollywood Reporter

reminds us, may be best known for his role as Phoebe Buffay’s cop boyfriend, Gary, in season five of Friends. For the person throwing his baseball cap into the ring is Michael Rapaport.

And just like that, she
was back on TV again.

The last time an actor ran for office in New York State was in 2018 when Cynthia Nixon challenged Andrew Cuomo in the Democrat primary for Governor. To this day, I'm not sure if Nixon was really serious about winning, trying to push Cuomo further to the left, or killing time before HBO approved a sequel to Sex and the City. 

Rapaport seems like he means it. He's already using Trump-speak, referring to "Zohran the Moron". That's pretty rich, as Rapaport makes Curtis Sliwa sound like Bertrand Russell. As he posted on Instagram (misspelling "Zohran"):

I, Michael Rapaport, am running for Mayor of New York City — 2029. Born. Raised. NYC. Nothing’s free. No bullshit. No fake grins. I’ll own my mistakes, apologize when I screw up, and fight to make this city safe, affordable, and thriving. You got Zoron the Moron now…Mayor Rapaport is coming. How do you like apples? 🍎🗽

I like apples clean, sweet, and crisp, traits Michael Rapaport lacks, which can be confirmed by the comment he made on his podcast announcing his campaign: 

“We have a shit stain at the helm right now in New York City, and it is a reality. It is a fucking reality. I think he’s going to supersede our wildest fears and expectations. Zohran the Zero, Zohran the Ziophobe, he is going to supersede all our fears and expectations.”

TBH, he probably
considers McDonalds
too upscale.

When Rapaport says he was born and raised here, it's a not-so-subtle reminder that Mamdani is from one of those foreign countries with a funny name and people with dark skin. "Ziophobe" means Mamdani didn't approve of the indiscriminate destruction of hospitals, schools, and the like in Gaza. (Mandy Patinkin, who's so Jewish that he's starting to look like a 17th century rabbi, sang at Mamdani's inauguration. And that was after the Mayor celebrated Hannukah with him and his family.)

You know haters are running out of things to hate when Rapaport condemns Mamdani's choice of sushi restaurants. According to Phoebe's boyfriend from season five of Friends, the place Zohran likes is too good for a pro-working-class Mayor. You think a multi-millionaire man of the people like Rapaport eats at McDonalds? 

It might be a good idea for Rapaport to see how a Mamdani administration plays out before trying to take him down. And, if he does run, to decide which party he belongs to. If Mamdani is still popular in four years, running as a Dem in the primary is a waste of time. Running as the official Republican candidate would make the local GOP even more of a joke than it is already. 

That leaves his only choice as an Independent or some made-up party like Eric Adams and Andrew Cuomo did. Rapaport could be the first candidate for the No Sushi Party. But he'll probably hate getting votes from all those woke vegans.

                                                                   ***************

NO COMMENTS

 

And sexist humor was always good for a laugh.

There used to be a newspaper comic strip called "They'll Do It Every Time", in which its creator Jimmy Hatlo explored the frustrations the average reader allegedly experienced every day. 

If Hatlo were still around, he could do nothing but sketch podcasters, talking heads, and other opinion-makers every time Donald Trump makes a rude, thoughtless comment. Trump's recent "tribute" to Rob Reiner and his wife is the latest and perhaps most egregious example.

Moments after his statement hit Truth Social, the shocked responses -- many from Republicans and Trump-supporters -- ricocheted around the internet, damn near drowning out everything else that was going on (other than TMZ's increasingly graphic descriptions of the murder).

This was, of course, what Trump expected. Desired, even. Can't you see him and Stephen Miller rubbing their hands with glee, giggling Look, they fell for it again! All the real-life things that have tarnished the president lately -- again, you couldn't miss them -- immediately vanished. All people could talk about now was his utterly predictable Truth Social post about his show biz "enemy".

Now take a step back. Imagine if each 6:30 network news anchor discussing the Reiner murders had ended the report by saying, "In response to the shocking news, President Trump posted on Truth Social..." And they proceeded to read, word for word, his entire statement while showing it onscreen. Then, after a brief pause, going to the next segment, which reported on whatever the latest real-life Trump scandal was happening.

And imagine CNN doing that throughout the day, once an hour. Now imagine, say, Morgan Freeman reading it on next year's Oscar broadcast. And Billy Crystal doing the same on the Golden Globes. 

What could Trump or his fans do? Whine that they were, uh, reading his words? Of course. And they would look really stupid in doing so.

That's the whole point when it comes to Trump. You don't need commentary. But, like the man said, they'll do it every time.

                                                          ****************

THE NEW YOUNG MAYOR, HE AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE

The right-wing nightmare: a Muslim guy, two
women, and New York City.

A couple of weeks ago, I turned on the TV and what to my wondering eyes did appear was Zohran Mamdani making a statement at the site of the 1964 World's Fair in Queens.

It had been so long since the election -- three days? -- that I suddenly remembered, Oh yeah, this is going to be our next Mayor. 

Mamdani had shaken up the political word, the Democrat establishment, and -- best of all -- Mario Cuomo by winning the second-hardest job in the world (after President of the United States or, in the current admiration's case, the President's spokesperson explaining why it was OK for her boss to call a female reporter "Piggy"). 

The next time Mayor-Elect Mamdani appeared on my TV screen was when he was in the Oval Office standing next to the (literally) sitting president. Trump was remarkably affable, far different from the late-night social media-scribbling madman we usually know him as. He was funny in his own way, as he was when David Letterman dropped into see him unannounced at Trump Tower three decades ago.

Mamdani looks down on Trump.

Mamdani, on the other hand, appeared determined to prove that he was up for both the job of Mayor and holding his own with the Big Mouth-in-Chief. It was gratifying seeing this 34-year-old Ugandan-born, Socialist Muslim winning the office Maro Cuomo so ravingly, knavingly, cravenly craved. 

It's easy to picture the former Governor thinking back on what he should have done. Maybe a return to the time he created his father's unofficial campaign slogan against Ed Koch, VOTE FOR CUOMO, NOT THE HOMO. Targeting Zohran's beard, VOTE FOR MARIO, NOT THE HAIRY-O would have had the classic Cuomo wit. 

Are they sure it wasn't paid by Ted Cruz?

Stupid? No more than deliberately mispronouncing Mamdani's name every
chance he had, or the way his campaign briefly released an apocalyptic ad predicting a Mamdani administration would be the dream of pushers, pimps, drunk drivers, and wife-beaters (the men, not the undershirts). And it was AI-generated! Damn you for putting so many hungry New York actors out of work!

Going forward, then, Mario Cuomo will be known not just as the former Governor of New York forced to resign over sexual harassment claims, or the loser of both the New York' Mayoral primary as a Democrat and the election as an independent, but the guy who made Curtis Sliwa appear Churchillian. Possible next move: cohosting his dopey brother's basement podcast. WATCH THE CUOMOS, NOT MARIA BARTIROMO!

                                                           ***********