A GALA DAY IS TOO MUCH

What has the Met done to
deserve this?

If you're unfamiliar with the Met Gala, consider yourself lucky. Ostensibly a classy, high society fundraising event for New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art's costume division, it has devolved over the years into a fashion freak show for celebrities, B-listers with big followings, and the incurable viruses known as Kardashians. 

For this, we have Anna Wintour to "thank". Wintour, whose windshield-sized sunglasses and official job title as Vogue magazine's "Global Chief Content Creator", offer a hint at how insecure the poor woman is. (Watch the documentary The September Issue to see how her medical and professorial siblings look down upon her. It almost makes one feel sorry for the fashionista.)

The Gala occurs on the first Monday of May, although next year's event has already made headlines for the wrong reasons, seeing that it was going to honor fashion designer John Galliano. I'm not sure anyone outside his industry had heard of him until 2010. That was when, within a day or two, he allegedly insulted a Jewish museum curator and an Asian man, and definitely delivered his infamous "I love Hitler" routine. Definitely, because it was caught on video. And saying it in Paris, the city of Nazi collaborators? The chef's kiss.

Forget about loving Hitler; this guy
was to be honored for his fashion
sense?

In short order, Johnny-boy -- whose own fashion style seems to be "expensive Halloween costumes" -- lost his job at Dior and was put on trial for antisemitic abuse. The usual excuses for his behavior -- "work-related stress" and "multiple addictions" -- were trotted out like a past-its-prime racehorse. To my eyes and ears, that video shows a guy with zero stress, even if it is the wine slurring.

After a two year "self-loathing" penance, Galliano got a gig at Oscar de la Renta, thanks to the intervention of -- guess who! -- Anna Wintour. In the intervening years, he returned to the good graces of the fashion world because, y'know, he draws nice clothes and dresses like a drunken pirate. 

So Wintour decided that enough time had passed to honor fashion's most outspoken asshole -- which is no mean feat -- especially since he had gotten the Anti-Defamation League's "resolve and not repeat the sin" blessing in 2013. In announcing the Gala's honor of Galliano, Wintour said: 

“There is no one more deserving of an exhibition of this scale than John Galliano. [...] He’s a great designer and his career isn’t defined by a moment—something that he will live with for the rest of his life. The exhibition won’t shy away from any of the darkness in John’s past. It’s part of what has shaped him. The show will take in the full arc of his career and grapple with all of it.”

Kanye on the runway.

Saying "I love Hitler" and telling Jewish people they would have been gassed is part of what shaped him? Well goddamn, Anna, that's right up there with Kanye West's c.v.

But wait, there's more! Wintour forgot that her Galliano wingding was going to happen on Holocaust Remembrance Day. Since this is the fashion world, it's unclear whether such a gaffe is ironic or appropriate.

"Hello, Page Six? You'll never guess what
that old bat is up to now!"

By now, you're probably wondering why nobody at Wintour's office didn't mention that this event might not be a good look for her, Vogue, or the Met museum. If you've seen The Devil Wears Prada 1 or 2, you already know the answer: her underlings were too afraid. So they did the next best thing by making off-the-record-cover-their-asses phone calls to the New York Post. 

Deciding that this wasn't the kind of comeback he was hoping for, Galliano Galliano's lawyer put out a statement announcing he was bowing out so as to not "place the Met in a difficult position" -- showbiz for Don't fire me, I'll quit, it's a better look for me. 

For the love of God, somebody please throw a pie
at their faces.

And as for Anna? The woman who said no designer was no more deserving of
the honor? Her official statement on the Met's site says, "John's decision that the exhibition devoted to his work should not take place at this time is very courageous and a measure of the man he is. I believe this is the right decision, and both he and the Museum have my full support" -- showbiz for Let him take the fall for my stupid decisions, it's a better look for me. 

So who's the second-most deserving designer Wintour could honor? Hey, Kanye West's side-hustle is fashion design, maybe he's available. 

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THE LATE, GREAT SCOTT

Four down, three to go.

 Well, that was fast.

It could very well be that Scott Pelley wanted no part of the new regime at CBS News, and was aware his colleagues at 60 Minutes were afraid of the new direction (downhill) it was being taken.

Therefore, he decided to take one for the team, knowing it would likely cost him his job, while hoping to draw further attention to destruction of the legendary news franchise. 

There was a little meeting following the now-legendary throwdown between new 60 Minutes producer Nick "Slender Qualifications" Bilton and Pelley at the staff meeting. In addition to the two men, Bari Weiss and CBS president Tom Cirbrowski were on hand to iron things out. 

Pelley, for his part, asked Weiss why former executive producer Tanya Simon and on-air correspondents Sharyn Alfonsi and Cecelia Vega had gotten the sack. As Pelley described it later, she refused to answer; her manner “was cold and callous and beneath the dignity of CBS News.” Not when CBS is run by a father and son tag team doing business with Donald Trump, it isn't! 

"You can fit all of my network news experience
in my hands!"

Details were provided to the New York Times by "three people with knowledge" of the meeting. My money says their names are Pelley, Weiss, and Bilton. I can picture Weiss putting the call on speakerphone, allowing her to flap her hands around as she seems to do in every photo of her in conversation. 

Scott Pelley, like his former network colleague Stephen Colbert, will probably have a better gig lined up elsewhere. Somewhere management won't force him to “inject falsehoods and bias into a politically sensitive story,” as he claims the current crew running 60 Minutes tried to do. 

Some cable or streaming platform could create a series -- let's call it Seven Days with Scott Pelley. He would be surrounded by hungry young reporters creating hard-hitting stories every week with no interference from management, while Pelley himself remains at the anchor desk for serious, one-on-one interviews with important newsmakers. The guy's pushing 70, y'know? Let others do the travelling while he stays in New York.

Or... forget cable! Just do the interviews on a weekly podcast, available on your laptop, smartphone, smart speaker, whatever you've got that's smart. Bari Weiss is always yakking about how networks are losing eyeballs to new media. Here's a chance to prove her right and cost her the job she was never qualified for!

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GREAT SCOTT!

 

Having signed an NDA, I'm skittish about naming
the employer, so here's a 1938 photo of the
block where I worked. Good luck figuring it out.

My previous, long-time employer had the occasional staff meeting, which consisted of one of the execs telling us what the company expected from us. Following her gentle harangues, she would ask if there were any comments. There rarely if ever were.

Over time, I decided to take her up on her offer, which shocked her for two reasons: 1) I tended to keep my yap shut, and 2) I told her that management had no idea what our jobs entailed and that the allegedly jimdandy software they forced on us was always crashing, wiping out weeks of work, and, in general, making our lives miserable. 

And because nothing ever changed, it was my same comment every time. After each meeting, co-workers -- many of whom I had never talked to before -- quietly thanked me for speaking up on their behalf. And many repeated their thanks on the day I was shown the door. 

The real-life Superman.

I was reminded of my one-man rebellion when Scott Pelley tore into his new boss Nick Bilton at a staff meeting like a starving man at a Thanksgiving meal. 

Without couching any of his remarks behind gentle "concerns", Pelley questioned the qualifications of the new guard at CBS News. He added that Bilton's boss, Bari Weiss, was out to "murder" 60 Minutes.

What could Bilton say in response to Pelley -- winner of 48 Emmys and three Peabody Awards for news reporting -- other than "I’m very excited to meet with everyone, yourself included” and "Enjoy the bagels". Oh, and "The show is going to stay exactly as it is FOR NOW" (emphasis added to drive it home). 

Three down, four to go.

You'd think television's #1 rated news program (averaging 9.1 million viewers, peaking at 14 million last November) which has seen a 5% increase in viewers 25-54 would stay exactly as it is forever. But not when Bari Weiss (under the guidance of Davd Ellison and Donald Trump) is calling the shots.

Last week, Weiss lived up to the cliche that women hate female competition in the workplace by firing three of them last week: executive producer Tanya Simon and correspondents Cecilia Vega and Sharyn Alfonsi. They join Anderson Cooper, who left on his volition after seeing the Trump handwriting on the wall. Little wonder the higher-ups at CBS kept her away from the meeting "citing the staff’s ill feelings surrounding the firings". Yeah, that's the kind of person you want running the news division!

David Ellison and Bari Weiss: the news
equivalent of the pimp and his wifey.

Scott Pelley is in the enviable position of having his boss over a barrel. If he's fired, the 60 Minutes viewers will leave in droves. Which is perhaps the idea, especially if rumors concerning the hiring of professional meathead Joe Rogan are true. 

If Weiss grits her teeth and keeps Pelley onboard, his presence will be a constant reminder that not only does he loathe her, she'll know, deep down in her icy heart, he is correct that she has "no qualifications" for her job. Outside of being really good at selling herself to the highest bidder, I mean. 

For all of Weiss' alleged intellect, she's just another moron who, like other Trump minions, believes that she's the genius who's cracked the code on how to keep her job. Just wait 'til she realizes that she was really was hired to whack 60 Minutes. 

The clock is ticking on Bari Weiss'
career at CBS.

As the ratings drop, "CBS insiders" will tell friendly reporters at the New York Times that Weiss's job is on "shaky ground", while those same backstabbers will claim to the Wall Street Journal, "Nothing could be further than the truth. We believe Bari is doing a wonderful job and stand by her."  Meaning, We give her three weeks, tops. 

In the end, Bari's golden parachute will soften the fall, even as she becomes toxic to any journalistic enterprise outside of Newsmax. That would make a heck of a story for Scott Pelley to cover.

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A MEDIOCRE BARI-TONE

And like CBS News, it used to be majestic.

 By now, the reputation of CBS News under the Ellison/Weiss regime can no longer be
compared to the Titanic. A better maritime choice would be the MV Wilhelm Gustloff, the German ship sunk by a Soviet U-boat in 1945. Of the 9,000-plus victims, most were innocent refugees who had done nothing to deserve their fate. 

Is it tasteless to compare the deaths of refugees to the firing of network employees? Aw hell, you don't know tasteless if you haven't been keeping up with the news CBS doesn't cover. The New York Times headline on the left says it all. 

If they were really interested in their much-vaunted "fairness", the new guard at CBS would have a party for AOC or Bernie Sanders. When even a half-wit pinhead jackass dumbbell like Ted Cruz says the FCC should keep out of the latest Jimmy Kimmel "controversy", you know the current administration is treating the Constitution as a doormat for its feces-stained shoes. (Too bad Ted doesn't include his and the GOP's responsibility in bringing us to where we are today.)

It became clear just how deep in the hole Weiss is for Trump during the
episode of 60 Minutes the day after the attempted shooting at the White House Correspondents Suck-Up Fest. 

You couldn't pay me to get even that close to
Trump.

The narcissist-in-chief replied to Norah O'Donnell's perfectly legitimate questions with personal insults, the kind one might expect from an ill-behaved teenager rather than the alleged leader of the free world (although today that honor belongs to the president of Ukraine). 

I understand why a pro like O'Donnell didn't call him out -- if asked, she'd have said she was "showing respect for the office", as if Trump were literally one of his buildings. But a good boss, especially one running a network's news division, might put out a press release. Something along the lines of, "Despite facing personal attacks, hostile responses, and a litany of obfuscation from the president, Norah O'Donnell pressed on, showing the kind of professionalism that has made CBS News a legend for almost a century." 

Instead... nothing. Weiss made time to "clap back" at George Clooney for a remark made about her ties to Trump. But anything about the verbal abuse hurled at one of the network's top reporters? Can't call out the guy who's really responsible for her new job! 

The staff must have missed the other part
of Trump's anatomy she kissed.

Every month since Weiss' hiring, the headline "CBS News Ratings Hit Historic Lows" has been seen as often as, well, "Trump's Polling Numbers Hit Historic Lows". How is it that the chairman of the FCC claims to be going after ABC for DEI hiring when Weiss is the most unqualified person in network television today?

Bari Weiss isn't the first person to sell-out for a cool job and jumbo salary, and she won't be the last. It's just funny that a smarty-pants graduate from Columbia University thinks that things would turn out differently for her. 

And after getting the heave-ho from Larry Ellison when she's no longer useful, maybe Weiss will recall a more important lesson that too few people have learned: Everything that Trump touches dies. All aboard the good ship Wilhelm Gustloff!

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AMERICA'S MANIAC

Former Mayor Rudy Nosferatu.

The news of Rudy Giuliani being hospitalized in "critical but stable condition" has
shocked many. When was the last time Giuliani considered stable? 

I don't think Rudy will be dead by the time you read this, anyway. That would require holy water and a wooden stake. 

For Rudy, that might be a more preferable outcome. His downfall from heroic "America's Mayor" to drunken "Trump Toady" is the stuff of opera on par with Otello or Pagliacci. The first involves political intrigue, the second, a buffoon. Both are fitting.

For anyone who lived in New York from the 1980s as I did, the difference between the Koch/Dinkins years and Rudy's two terms was something out of a classic Western: a new sheriff arrives to clean up a once-great, now lawless city. 

Rudy in his human form.

And when I say "clean up", I mean it literally. Sidewalks, subways, gutters were seemingly overnight cleared of trash, dogshit, and graffiti overnight. Where crime once ruled, order returned. Tourism rose along with new businesses big and small. 

Yes, Rudy could be arrogant, and certainly some cops felt like they were allowed to do whatever they wanted for the sake of "law and order". But overall, living in New York was something to be proud of, thanks to our new mayor. 

People felt safe for the first time in years, perhaps decades. Giuliani's leadership -- stoic, honest, compassionate -- got the city through the aftermath of 9/11, offering him a national platform no mayor had enjoyed since Fiorello LaGuardia. Unless you consider Ed Koch's "How'm I doin'?" routine a platform.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hell, I was ready to vote for Rudy for president in 2008. But by then, his New

York style of Republicanism -- pro-gun control, pro-gay rights, among other beliefs -- doomed him. His campaign of skipping the early primaries in hopes of sweeping Florida (apparently the home of all ex-New Yorkers) was an idea equaled only by Jay Leno's nightly 10:00 series.

Those seven years between 9/11 and Primary Day might as well have been a century. The day after losing Florida, Rudy called it quits. 

The only place Hillary and Rudy could smile
together was at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

Rudy could have used his remaining years doing stuff all ex-politicians do. Penning his memoirs. Making speeches. Taking seven-figure, no-show "consulting" jobs. He'd likely have been a welcome presence on Saturday Night Live from time to time. And he always, always would have been introduced as "America's Mayor". Not a bad way to end a career if you think about it.

Only there was one thing Rudy Giuliani appeared to think about. Like his friend Donald Trump, he was consumed by revenge. First, for not being president. Second -- and this was far worse -- realizing his planned Senate run came to naught once Hillary Clinton entered the race. 

This is what selling your soul looks like.

I don't have to recount what happened afterwards, other than to describe it as

two decades of self-humiliation and immolation. To go into further detail would take a biographer on the level of Robert Caro. 

A simple Google Image search of "Rudy Giuliani" shows the steady decline into decrepit distemper. The image of "America's Mayor" walking with police at the rubble of the World Trade Center has been replaced by a pop-eyed maniac sweating cheap hair dye down his face while spreading nutty conspiracy theories. 

Critical? Yes. Stable? Not in a New York minute.

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REPUGNANT RUPERT

Tie this sex-offender down, sport.

You've got to hand it to primeval publisher Rupert Murdoch, Australia's worst
export since Rolf Harris -- and not just for "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" either. 

Murdoch might be a right-wing hack who would sell out his family if it meant saving his own skin (and a few dollars, if it came down to that). But he also has his 95-year-old finger in the air. 

Trump requests that Murdoch kiss his feet.

For a while, Donald Trump was the ideal president for Murdoch newspapers: Republican, rightwing, businessman, friend of billionaires yet somehow convinced low-IQ, working class tabloid readers that he was going to better their lives by cutting their healthcare and giving tax breaks to the rich.

That worked for Trump's first term, when, as they say, the "grown-ups were in the room". But now that he's surrounded by advisors and cabinet members who are incompetent at best and demoniac at worst, the MAGA maggots are taking a second look at the man they once thought was bought and paid for by Jesus Christ, Super Republican.

Your kids are going to fight the war
that his kids won't.

A series of extraordinary bad steps, ranging from the healthcare debacle (Hey,
when you said you were going to cut healthcare, I thought it was only going to be Democrats!), ICE deporting anyone with an accent or a Z in their last name (Hey, when you said getting rid of Latinos, I didn't know it was going to be my family!), killing protestors (Hey, I thought you were only going to kill minorities!) were just the beginning. 

Yet it took the war on Iran to finally convince a growing number of true believers that they were bamboozled by the biggest conman outside of... well, nobody else in history. And now their favorite English-speaking strongman is appearing mighty weak.

Re-enter Rupert Murdoch. As publisher of The Wall Street Journal, he long ago gave the OK for its editors to go full-steam ahead on bashing the Trump administration, while allowing his major American tabloid New York Post to continue its rah-rah cheerleading coverage. 

Miserable man, indeed.

But what to make of his UK mouthpiece, the Daily Mail? While its top of the fold headline is the usual culture war slop, it's the main story that speaks the loudest.

A BIZARRE KIND OF VICTORY isn't about is a goal made by a dog that's run onto the football pitch. Uh-uh. The Daily Mail -- which supported Trump's insults of Prime Minister Starmer -- openly disdains the administration's victory declaration regarding the war. 

"The world mocks" are three words that Trump and his gang of idiots really, really do not want placed within a mile of their names. And while they might expect that from the New York Times or the Morning Joe crew, to see it in a usually reliably friendly Daily Mail -- on the front page yet! -- must be particularly galling to the dementia-stricken would-be dictator.

Megyn takes a moment from fellating Satan
to yell at Republicans for not banning any
non-Christian from holding office. 

Murdoch, who allegedly (but likely) was quoted as wishing Trump dead, hasn't
really undergone a come-to-the-real-Jesus moment any more than deranged podcasters like Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly or Alex Jones who are calling for Trump's removal from office. Those latter three (along with the other once-loyal Trump minions) are just feeling the same wind blowing up Murdoch's Australian ass. They might even be angry that Trump's antics have temporarily derailed Project 2025 from completely taking over the government. Like Trump's antics, it's all for ratings and money. Neither MAGA fans nor the MS NOW anchors seem to realize that they're being used by a different set of grifters. 

No healthcare. Higher taxes. Deporting family members. Killing white people in the streets. And yet Trump still has the support of at least a third of the population. If all the things he's done wrong are OK with those folks, then they're going to love today's news that, come December, they and their sons will be automatically registered for the draft. And that's military, not NCAA. 

Guess they weren't counting on that when they cheered those bombs dropping on Iran. Hey, that was supposed to be poor blacks and Latinos in the military, not us!

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WITH ALL THE FRILLS UPON IT

You can be sure that New York's new Archbishop
was delighted to have this crew on the stairs of
St. Patrick's Cathedral.

Another Easter come and gone! As usual, here in New York, folks celebrated the
resurrection of the Lord and Saviour by parading down Fifth Avenue while looking like escapees from a lunatic asylum. Atheists might find such a thing appropriate.

What do you suppose the GOP reaction would
have been to Barack Obama saying "Praise be
to Allah" on Easter?

Speaking of lunatics, our president made sure to mark the holiest of days with one of his usual thoughtful remarks. Does anyone know if the morning crew on Fox News quoted Trump word for word?

Ooh, he's so tough!

Meanwhile, Sen. Chuck Schumer offered one of his rip-snorting, fist-pounding responses to Trump we've come to expect. Way to tell him off, Chucko! And for God's sakes, be sure not to demand a response from your GOP colleagues. That would demand a spine.

"Once we take over, Bari will be the first to go."

To round out the day, Franklin Graham, was asked to give a homily at the end of 60 Minutes. Because who else is better to speak the word of the Lord than a right-wing racist, homophobic, anti-Muslim Evangelist who supports the insane, sexual harassing pedophile-in-chief currently occupying the White House?

By the way, the appearance by Graham -- who compares homosexuality to murder -- should be a sign that Bari Weiss will do everything she can to promote right-wing Christianity in order to make her target audience forget she's a Jewish lesbian -- who dated leftwing SNL lesbian Kate McKinnon!  Clever girl, our Bari! 

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SIXTY MINUTES, ZERO CREDIBILITY

The Weiss way of fixing 60 Minutes.

Bari Weiss can't help looking like a neutron bomb in her quest to reshape CBS News into something nobody except Larry Ellison asked for. After getting rid of the network's radio division, Weiss is taking her ax to its crown jewel, 60 Minutes. Her motto seems to be "It became necessary to destroy CBS News in order to save it." Because a similar move worked so well in Vietnam.

Depending on who's tipping off the press, what Weiss is planning has been described as a "change in tone", "shake-up", or "bloodbath".  Oddly, one of her complaints is the number of "soft" pieces 60 Minutes has run lately -- like, since she became the news division's editor-in-chief. In fact, Weiss' most famous move so far was spiking a hard-hitting story about abuses at an ICE detention center in Venezuela, so I don't understand what her gripe is.

Kate McKinnon (middle) likely prefers
memories of hanging with Greta Gerwig
(left) in theater class.

(What would make a great story is how Weiss dated former Saturday Night Live cast member Kate McKinnon during their days at Columbia University. Don't worry, Kate, everyone has that How did I sleep with that person? stage in their life.)

According to a "source familiar with the situation" -- there are a lot of those people around in every profession, aren't there? -- Weiss is ready to "blow it up as soon as the season is over." This evokes an image of her placing an Acme Portable Explosion Device at CBS headquarters. And, to paraphrase a previous wisecrack, we know how well that worked for the Coyote.

Bari Wess was minus-16 when 60 Minutes debuted.

Weiss wants to clean house both behind and in front of the camera, hoping to

bring in younger correspondents. Now, I understand her desire for new blood. There are, I'm sure, plenty of youngbloods who are champing at the bit (or the CBS eye) to prove their mettle. 

The big problem, as I've pointed out more than once, is that the "younger audience" so desired by networks doesn't watch "legacy" media. And the folks who tune into 60 Minutes do so in part because their current correspondents, whose combined ages is Old As The Hills, are perceived as wise, trustworthy, and unafraid to confront the powers-that-be.

One old-timer will still host the show.

Weiss' desire, on the other hand, is to hire whippersnappers whose points of views align with hers. Meaning something like Russia's TASS news agency. Which forces me to repeat, yet again, that audience already has Fox News.

To sum up: Bari Weiss will "improve" 60 Minutes by losing their current viewers while not gaining any new ones. To paraphrase a previous wisecrack once more, Tony Dokoupil can fill you in on how that's going for CBS Evening News. 

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TIGER, TIGER DRIVING BADLY

 During my background days, the star of a major TV series was talking to a group of us about his DUI from the previous weekend. He had been in L.A. at the time, and it made the papers. 

"That's why you New Yorkers are lucky," he said. "You can take the subway home when you've been at a bar. In L.A. you have to drive everywhere." 

Next Halloween's biggest-selling mask.

Alas, Los Angeles isn't the only city without mass transit. Jupiter Island, Florida, is of many places in America where you need a car. Tiger Woods proved that yesterday, as his latest mugshot attests. 

Or rather, this is the fourth time Tiger Woods has proved a judge needs to take his keys and prevent him from even walking past an automotive dealer. 

It's always interesting to see what celebrities can get away with. For Tiger Woods, the borderline-washed up golfer, it's driving under the influence and, when he's really blotto, crashing his car. (Of his four arrests, the only one that didn't involve a smash-up was when he was found in the front seat sleeping off a bender, something the locals were undoubtedly grateful for.)

There are many people better than me who will shake their head and say, "I take no joy in what Tiger is going through." Well, hell, I sure do. Not him getting away with DUIs time and time again. But because he deserves to be made a mockery of. 

"Hey, you'll never guess what happened!"

Take a good look, if you will, at Woods' driving skills. Even with the car lying on its side at the side of the road -- he had been driving over the speed limit while trying to pass a tow truck -- he was able to crawl out the passenger side, stumble past a hydrant and apparently make a phone call, presumably to his lawyer to get him out of a jam again. At eleven o'clock in the morning!

According to the New York Times, "He was charged with DUI with property damage [clipping the tow truck] and refusal to submit to a lawful [urinalysis]. Both charges are misdemeanors." 

Driving under the influence, hitting another vehicle, and refusing a piss test are on the same level of littering? Florida will do anything to get people to move there.

Tiger Woods leaving the pokey. Now he gets
someone to drive him home.

You know things are bad when the Times has one of their "WHAT YOU SHOULD READ NEXT" side articles titled, "A timelime of Tiger Woods' car crashes and injuries after latest incident."  If you or I had been pulling this crap, our "timeline" would have ended after the second arrest, when we were given a chance to cool off for six months in prison. 

But a guy who hits a little white ball around a country club gets the kid glove treatment and just might continue to until he winds up hurting somebody other than himself. The term "white privilege" doesn't come into play here -- this is green privilege. And I'm not referring to the color of grass.

Near the end of the Times' coverage is a link to another article, this one titled "We don't need to quit Tiger Woods. But we must ask less of him." Jesus, all we're asking him to do is not drive under the influence of booze or pills. How difficult is that? The DUI actor I referenced in the beginning learned his lesson about eight years ago. Gee, looks like it can be done!

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THE ZIRCONIUM NETWORK

 

Oh yeah, that's a winning team right there.

When last we saw Bari Weiss, the blogger-turned-network titan had been charged by 
her masters Larry and David Ellison to salvage what was left of the reputation of CBS News. 

In the intervening months, Weiss has worked her magic by hiring the weepy Tony Dokoupil to commandeer CBS Evening News, postponing an anti-ICE piece on 60 Minutes until an evening that a major football game on another network would distract viewers, firing over 6% of its workforce, seeing a producer quit in angry frustration, watched the staff of CBS streaming News walk off the job for 24 hours, and sending the ratings (and possibly her job) into a death spiral worthy of Karl Wallenda. 

Tony Dokupil prepares for his new job as a used
car salesman.

None of that was enough to complete her job, so she announced the shuttering of CBS Radio News a year short of its 100th birthday. 

Before going further, let me ask: does referring to Bari Weiss as a useful idiot for the Trump toe-sucking Ellisons sound homophobic? Or misogynistic? Or true? Leave comments below, subscribe, like, give a thumbs up, ring the bell, and whatever else is considered proof of news viewership.

They've gone from "Good night and
good luck" to "So long, suckers!"

Because that's where CBS News is headed. As reported late last year, Weiss told staffers they will need to lean more into podcasting. “I’m here to tell you that if we stick to that [focusing on broadcast] strategy, we’re toast,” Weiss said. But what Weiss has accomplished since then is burnt toast and a rotten egg.

I'm not convinced that Weiss decided to shut down CBS Radio News on her own. Surely the Ellisons whispered the idea in her ear. Say, Bari, who listens to radio news anyway, except people in their cars who don't have Sirus/XM? 

And they wouldn't necessarily be wrong. Anyone following radio news at home is tuned to either Fox Radio or NPR. The former are counting their containers of survivalists' canned meat while they listen, while the latter knit FUCK TRUMP doilies. Everyone else is either at work, looking for work, or waiting for mainstream news to admit World War III is in progress.

Sharp enough to know the
news division is doomed.

What we're witnessing isn't the end of CBS News per se. It's the beginning of the end of network news as we've known it. Those eight million viewers watching David Muir on ABC are baby boomers and Gen Xers from the P.C. (pre-cable) years, and neither are going to live forever.

Younger people get their news from other sources and can't afford cable anyway. No way they're suddenly going to put everything on hold at dinner time to watch 18 minutes of news and 12 minutes of commercials for pharmaceuticals and LiMu Emu. 

The Ellisons, like oligarchs before them, are taking advantage of a changing landscape, reshaping it to their liking. Meanwhile, Bari Weiss genuinely believes she's doing good, rather than realizing she's just a vessel for her masters' evil ways and will get thrown overboard when the job is complete. That's the way it is, whether you like it or not.

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