UNDER COVID, PT. 17: LIONS AND TIGERS AND BIKES

When the weather is nice, my wife and I bike over a bridge to Randall's Island in the middle of the East River. The winding paths take us past soccer fields, gardens, picnic areas, the Triborough Bridge and, if we go far enough, all the way to the Bronx. 

During those rides, we pass Carl Ichan Stadium, the location of school sports and the occasional concert. Lately its parking lot has been the home for refrigeration trucks awaiting COVID-19 fatalities. Between this and the Central Park field hospitals, its unlikely I'm going to view our heretofore bucolic afternoons quite the same again.

We know, kid, we know. And by the way, it goes over
the nose, too.

Good news, however. The numbers of cases and fatalities in the city are dropping. The USNS Comfort has left port with our thanks. Gov. Cuomo's daily briefings have been a little more upbeat -- although his recent taunting of Moscow Mitch McConnell was great fun. When Andrew Cuomo gets on his high horse, nobody is higher. 

So it seems that masks, social distancing, and staying home whenever possible are paying off. During our 15-minute lunchtime walk yesterday, I asked Sue, "Do things seem... different now? I mean, there aren't a whole lot of people out, but... it's just different."

"You know what it is?" she replied. "We don't feel the fear anymore."

Get yer programs here! You can't tell the reporters apart 
without a program!

That was it. We don't feel the fear. Not just our own, but everybody's. Even as most New Yorkers are masked and keeping their distance, things don't seem quite as awry anymore. OK, we know what it is, this is how we behave, let's wear the masks, and keep the fuck away from each other. 

"That's some funny stuff!"

But then there's the animal world. Three lions and five tigers have tested positive for COVID-19 at the Bronx Zoo. I know what you're thinking: Why didn't they get with the program? Didn't they listen to Mayor de Blasio? 

You tell them not to stay six feet apart or touch their face. And as for scrubbing their paws for 20 seconds when they return from their daily strolls? Sure, they've got nothing better to do. Even better? Try putting masks on them! Maybe you can rub some of that leftover Purell on your scars afterwards.

Here at the homefront, things remain status quo: everyday is casual Friday, only more so. Recently, it occurred to me I no longer had to put stuff in my hair to comb it back, because what the hell is the point?! I'm inside all goddamn day.  So now, my hair is like that of a galloping stallion in the wind. If a stallion had male pattern baldness.

No longer do I look this slick.

Living even further on the edge, when I wash my hair, I use only a dab of shampoo. Wait, did I say "when"? Make that if. I'm almost the point of not even using deodorant -- after all, the only person I'd be offending is my wife, and I've been doing that for almost 30 years. 

Yesterday, we shook things up, big time. In a daring move, we biked through Central Park, taking the loop over to the West Side and south towards 57th Street -- our first time out of the Upper East Side in six weeks. It felt both familiar and a bit like entering a foreign country. Where do we get our passports stamped?

Almost all of us, on bikes or not, were masked, but nobody felt the fear. There were fewer people than would be normally on an early spring morning, of course, which made biking that much more pleasurable. Clouds = silver lining.

Madison Avenue hadn't been so empty since 1836.

We really felt the emptiness when exiting the park, riding down the middle of West 72nd with no traffic coming from either direction. Turning left onto Madison Avenue, I had the rare -- no, never before experienced -- thrill of weaving back and forth from lane to lane at top speed for several blocks. No cars, no pedestrians, no other bikes but ours. Ah, freedom once again! 

It was such a wonderful ride that I neglected to notice that every business along Madison was closed, many of them permanently. Silver lining = clouds.

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