NO SUGAR, POPS

Life isn't so sweet for my wife and I these days. Not just for the usual reasons --

We might as well throw in the tropical storm that hit 
the city earlier this month while we're at it.

COVID, politics, and the pigeon who keeps threatening to take a crap into the slots of the air conditioner sticking out of our living room window. (Whenever my wife says, "Shoo!", I have to remind her not only can't the pigeon hear her through the windowpane, it doesn't understand English.)

No, our current, and likely future, condition was self-created after many years of deluding ourselves into thinking we were doing the right thing for our health. Which goes to show that the word "organic" means nothing when one of the ingredients is killing you.

Not long ago, my wife was reading about the inordinate amount of sugar in everyday food items, particularly breakfast cereal, even the so-called "healthy" kind. The recommended amount is four grams, tops. Anything less is a beautiful thing to behold.

In the '50s, they bragged about their toxic
sugar count. (Notice the box designed like
the American flag, as if eating this junk
 was patriotic.)

Before you could say "diabetes shock", my wife was studying our cereals' sugar content. We were surprised to see the percentage for both was in the double digits. I often combined the two in one bowl for extra taste sensation. No wonder I often felt lousy after breakfast, even after topping the cereals with fresh fruit. 

Into the garbage went the open box of cereal. But what to do with the unopened one? We considered offering to our daughter the next time she visited. But did we want to give something we considered unhealthy to our only child? As far as food is concerned, she's even more health-conscious than us. On the other hand... free food! 

Eat up, America!

Now that the cupboard was bare came the next question: what do we eat now? As the elected grocery shopper -- like my wife would run for the job -- it was now up to me to study the sugar content of all possible contenders. Anything to break up the sheer ennui of shopping was good by me.

It was rather shocking to discover how much sugar unsuspecting people eat every morning -- like up to 24 grams. No wonder a combined total 69% of Americans are overweight or obese. This is the same country where 57% of Republicans believe the COVID death rate is "acceptable". We are a sick people in more ways than one. 

If this is what it looks like now, what the hell was it in the
shape of before? A rutabaga?

Skipping the popular brands entirely, I chose two of the indie cereals: Cascadian Farms' Purely O's (a knock-off of Cheerios), and Barbara's Shredded Wheat. The former contained only 1 gram of sugar -- just enough to keep it from tasting like matte inkjet paper -- while the latter didn't even bother with that much. But as an enticement, the shredded wheat box boasted NEW SHAPE AND BETTER FLAVOR! I have no idea how you add flavor without flavoring.

Uncooked steel-cut oats can also be used for
your gravel pathway.

With the fervor of a born-again health nut, I expanded my cereal horizons by picking up a bag each of Bob's Red Mill Oatmeal and Hot Cereal (combined sugar content: Z-E-R-O). In other words, all these cereals are essentially tasteless. But when smothered with blueberries, strawberries, and bananas, it's easy to forget you're eating a meal favored by the entrants of the Kentucky Derby.

My only problem with the shredded wheat is that each serving -- three bricks -- comes in separate packaging inside the box. When I first tried it, only two could fit in my regular bowl. Genius that I am, I decided that going forward I would use a larger bowl.

Or you can look at it this way.

However, this meant that I had to use that lone brick of wheat from the first package with two from the second. By the time I reach the end of the box, there'll be one brick left, which will carry over to the next box. This means that no matter how many boxes I purchase in the future, there'll always be an extra shredded wheat brick hanging around. Let me know if you've got a horse who could use a snack.

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