STORM IN A D-CUP

What's worse? Getting arrested,
or stripping in Columbus, Ohio?

Remember when Stormy Daniels was going to be the secret weapon in bringing down the Trump administration? Those tapes her lawyer was threatening to release but never did? The other women who had come forward to corroborate her story? Being interviewed by Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes? 

Man, does that seem like a long time ago! Longer, in fact, than everything Trump has done to bring down his administration but hasn't. 

In fact, it's only been downhill for Stormy since then. First, being accused of covering up a sexual assault on the set of a movie she was directing. A few weeks later, getting a little too touchy with customers while performing at a strip club.  And now, her husband, Glendon Crain, is filing for divorce on the grounds of adultery. 

I thought it was Matt Damon playing a werewolf.

Adultery? Has he been in a coma in the decade they've been a couple? Were they grocery shopping when he saw her picture in the National Enquirer, and yelled, "You do what for a living?!" What part of "porn star" doesn't he understand?

The same part, apparently, that baffles Daniels' lawyer, Michael "Ready For My Camera Time" Avanetti, who says the "accuracy" of the divorce petition is "vehemently disputed". I urge both he and Crain to peruse her resume on imdb, where titles like Trailer Trash Nurses 6, Finally Legal 7, and Naked Hollywood 17 suggest something more than a desire to make sequels -- although, to be fair, she did star in at least one original story, Young and Anal. 

On their way to parents night at school.

Kudos, too, to Avanetti asking "for privacy for the sake of the family" with a straight face. Especially since Crain objected to Daniels bringing their 7 year-old daughter on her "Make America Horny Again" strip tour. Hasn't he heard of "Take Our Daughter to Work Day"?


Just how Glendon Crain apparently misunderstood his wife's occupation can be explained by his day job as a touring musician, working with various thrash metal and goth bands over the years. Hey, a guy's making an honest buck doing what he loves, only to find out the little lady's  doing porn while he's on the road. It's the same old story, amirite?

So dedicated was he to bringing home the bacon that he even got himself a side job... starring in movies including Slumber Party Orgy, Nymphos, and Screw You. Yes, if you haven't figured it out by now, Glendon Crain (aka Brendon Miller) is in porn, too! Maybe if they made movies together, he'd have known what Stormy was up to.

He's already got the "politician face" down cold.

Perhaps all this family fol-de-rol is getting to Michael Avanetti. In what seems to be another chance to book an appearance on Morning Joe, Avanetti is getting involved with the Michael Cohen case. (Porn star, Trump fixer: same occupation, different workplaces.) When asked what he would do if Trump ran for re-election, Avanetti tweeted:

IF (big) he seeks re-election, I will run, but only if I think that there is no other candidate in the race that has a REAL chance at beating him. We can't relive 2016.  I love this country, our values and our people too much to sit by while they are destroyed.

You know what's sad? There might not be anyone more qualified than a porn star's lawyer.

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