RENAMING NAMES

"Go ahead, Bill, just try to tear me down!"

Here in New York about a year ago, there was a move to get rid of various monuments and statues dedicated to historical figures now considered unacceptable to 21st-century mores. The most controversial plan was to get rid of the statue of Christopher Columbus in Columbus Square (which, presumably, would have been renamed Oppressed Peoples Place). 

Our idiot mayor, Bill de Blasio, sensing a cool way to win the all-important perpetually-offended college freshman vote, joined the bandwagon. De Blasio -- not so much a "progressive" as a bald-faced opportunist -- used his heritage as a literal cover, since his real name is Warren Wilhelm, Jr. (de Blasio being his mother's name). Now that my neighborhood, Yorkville, is less German and more Eastern Europe these days, he wouldn't be offending any large voting bloc with his new nom de politics.

There have been similar moves across the country, not only removing statues but renaming streets and parks that were dedicated to Confederate military men and slave holders. Now Austin, Texas, is getting in on the trend by renaming not a public square but the entire city.

Now get out if you ain't white.

Stephen F. Austin is known as the "Father of Texas", making this perhaps the only birth where the mother is unknown. Austin, like most Southerners of his time, was big on slavery, an employment situation that made Texas what it is today -- one of the top ten racist states in the union, while the city of Austin itself is pretty racist, too.

There's no suggestions as to what the new name would be. It could revert to the original, Waterloo, but that has a sorry history as well. And a PBS music series called Waterloo City Limits just doesn't have the same ring.

Look around the USA and you'll find plenty of cities that anybody could object to. Atheists undoubtedly have a beef with Providence, RI. But despite making the occasional noise, atheism's heyday peaked in 1963 with the banning of prayer in public schools. So Saint Louis is safe for now, too.

Hey, you got a whole mountain named after you!

But what of Polack Lake, Michigan? Wop Draw, Wyoming? Chinaman Bayou, Louisiana?And not one but two Jewtowns -- one in the North, one in the South, just so you Yankees don't get on your progressive high horse. Unlike Austin, the citizens of these towns are proud of their heritage -- as are the otherwise liberal West Coasters who enjoy an annual ski run down Squaw Valley, California.

Personally, I'd be embarrassed to live in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, which, almost 70 years ago, changed its name (from the perfectly reasonable Hot Springs), as a stunt for the radio quiz show. Oh, to be a native of The $64,000 Question, Ohio, or You Bet Your Life, Utah.

Then, of course, are the towns more potentially offensive for other reasons:

Maybe Woonsocket really means
"Place Where You Go to Die"

 I find myself in the odd position of defending my home state, Rhode Island. Woonsocket was likely derived from the Indian word Woonksechocksett, meaning "fox country". And only somebody calling the gutter his home couldn't figure out that the town of Essex, Mass., is of British origin. But Humptulips? You got me there.

As for the statue of Columbus... once social justice warriors moved onto another war (thank you, illegal immigrants!), Wilhelm/de Blasio decided that ol' Chris could stay where he was. 

Watch it, Bill, you'll offend the vegetarians.

Playing more of a role, however, was that Bill -- who, despite having close to zero friends in the Democratic party and swearing he'd serve out his entire mayoral term -- is allegedly convinced he's going to be its 2020 presidential candidate.  And he realized
that pissing off 15.7 million Italian Americans wasn't the best vote-getter. 

Still, why stop at Columbus? Rockefeller Center is named after one of those detested billionaires! Statue of Liberty? Liberty for who? Certainly not "the people". George Washington Bridge? More like the Slave Owner Bridge! 

Now if we're going to rename anything, it should be the White House. I think the Kremlin West sounds right.

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