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| Finally, someone weirder than Nicholas Cage: his son. |
"Celebrity offspring" is a double-edged sword. For every Jane Fonda, there's a Redmond O'Neil (son of Ryan), Weston Cage (son of Nicholas), Nicole Richie (daughter of Lionel), Cameron Douglas (son of Michael), Christian Brando (son of Marlon), Chet Haze (the nom de rap of Chet Hanks, son of Tom), and a few dozen others.
Most of these rich kids are guilty of drug possession and/or DUI, although Brando hit the jackpot with a murder charge. But if you ever heard Chet Haze's rap crap, you'd wonder who committed the bigger crime.
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| The usual caption would be "Mikaela in happier days," but that wouldn't appear to be accurate. |
But perhaps none have created more of a stir recently than Mikaela Spielberg, the 23 year-old daughter of you know who and Kate Capshaw. Adopted as a baby, Mikaela confesses to going through tough times -- alcoholism, borderline personality, anorexia, sexual abuse -- before straightening our her life and, like her dad, entering the movie industry. The porn movie industry.
You can bet that producers are just salivating at the thought of releasing Saving Ryan's Privates, Close Encounters of the 69th Kind, Catch Me in the Can, and War Whores. And they wouldn't have to be three hours long!
Unfortunately, none of these movies appear to be viable. You see, unlike other celebrity kids who throw their name around like a line drive, Mikaela changed hers to Sugar Star. Good for her for not capitalizing on her old man's hard work!
And that's not the only reason you'll never see Schindler's Lez or Raiders of the Lost Ass. While Mikaela Sugar Star is interested pursuing fetish work some day, for now she'll be focusing on "solo movies". As she says with zero sense of irony, "Honestly, I've hated my chest for so long, but I've finally learned to embrace it." Well, that's what guys are paying to see.
No reason to feel sorry for Sugar. First of all, she has a fiancé, Chuck Pankow, described on Google as "a professional darts player." See, folks, it pays to spend your nights in bars! (Chuck's age, depending on who you believe, is either 47 or 50. Like Al Pacino's ex-gf Meital Dohan, Chuck seems to have misplaced his birth certificate.)
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| Sugar Star enjoys the Southern charm Nashville has to offer. |
Another reason to be OK with Star's chosen profession is that her one-woman flicks are merely a stepping stone for what she really wants to do: work as a stripper in Nashville, Tennessee. A celebrity kid turning her back on Hollywood? I'm impressed!
So how are the parents handling the news about their baby's new career? Better than you might have guessed, even if they did find out only last weekend. The parents, Star assures us, are "intrigued" but "not upset".
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| Looks like we were right. |
Hold it. When our daughter recently told us she had saved her money for the past year to get her certificate in something called permaculture, I can honestly say we were intrigued -- mainly because we had no idea what the hell it was, but it sounded nature-related and outdoorsy. Intrigued, not upset. Nice.
Now put yourself in the Bruno Cuinellis of a legendary, five-time Oscar winning director whose movies have grossed a total of $10 billion. Hell, put yourself in the Dolce & Gabbanas of the woman who married him. Your adopted daughter rings you up last Saturday and announces she's starting a career sexually arousing a clientele consisting mainly of (in her words) "older white men", which she sees as a stepping stone to stripping. In Nashville.
Intrigued yet? No? That's because you're not really looking at this situation from Steve and Kate's perspective: OK, after a decade of physical, sexual, alcohol and drug abuse; depression; zero sense of self-worth... our daughter has gotten out of Hollywood. She's clean and sober, and now accepts herself as she is. She's self-supportive. Her fiancé might be older, but he makes money and is OK with our daughter's career. We might not understand that career, but she's finally happy and proud of herself.
You can bet that countless show biz parents are intrigued enough to wonder, How can we get our kid to be like that?
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Intrigued yet? No? That's because you're not really looking at this situation from Steve and Kate's perspective: OK, after a decade of physical, sexual, alcohol and drug abuse; depression; zero sense of self-worth... our daughter has gotten out of Hollywood. She's clean and sober, and now accepts herself as she is. She's self-supportive. Her fiancé might be older, but he makes money and is OK with our daughter's career. We might not understand that career, but she's finally happy and proud of herself.
You can bet that countless show biz parents are intrigued enough to wonder, How can we get our kid to be like that?
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