Thursday, March 25, 2021

BREAKING NEWS: 3/25/2021

In the wake of the recent outbreak of violence against Chinese Americans, Jay Leno has apologized for years of jokes about Asians.

Everybody else is waiting for an apology for the rest of his shitty jokes.




Researchers say they can diagnose concussions accurately using a biomarker in saliva, according to a peer-reviewed article published Tuesday in the British Journal of Sports Medicine.

 Dr. Basil Edema, the author of the piece, said the saliva test was "more interesting than just looking at someone who was unconscious." 


Prince Harry will become chief impact officer of BetterUp Inc. “I intend to help create impact in people’s lives,” Prince Harry said. “Proactive coaching provides endless possibilities for personal development, increased awareness, and an all-around better life."

"Besides," he added, "how else am I going to make this kind of dough for a job I'm utterly unqualified for?"

 

 

Environmental scientist Dr. Shanna Swan is warning penises are shrinking due to pollution.

In related news, Republicans are demanding Pres. Biden endorse a new green energy bill RIGHT NOW, GODDMAMMIT!!!



New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo is under fire for arranging early special access to state-administered coronavirus tests for his family members.

Asked for a comment, Cuomo said, "Hey, I didn't feel up anyone this time, alright?"


The world should be back to normal by the end of 2022 thanks to COVID-19 vaccines, Bill Gates said in an interview.

"And by normal," he added, "I mean the rich are still going to be shitting on the rest of you, and politicians won't do a damn thing to help, so get used to it, suckers!"



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