CLANKING DOWN THE AISLE

Read enough stories emanating from Japan, and you can get lockjaw from saying, "Now I've heard everything." First, it was girls going ga-ga for a gorilla (click here for details). But if you think gay marriage is a big deal, then you haven't heard what went down in Tokyo over the weekend:

Two robots have tied the knot in Japan in what is thought to be the first wedding of its kind in the world.

Frois, the groom, and bride Yukirin walked the aisle, wore traditional outfits and even carried out a 'wedding kiss' at the event in Tokyo on Saturday.

After the ceremony the couple even managed to 'cut a cake' before an automated orchestra performed a song for the equivalent of their first dance. 

This is what they call a Japanese kiss.

You've got to hand it to the Japanese. They have no problem with love in any of its guises. And it didn't even take a Supreme Court decision for the happy couple to tie the knot -- or is it "flick the switch"?

But as you can see from the photos, this wasn't just an ordinary robot wedding. Either this is the electronic version of an inter-species marriage, or the groom is much older than his almost realistically-blushing bride. Because while Yukirin is going for the human look, Frios is something you'd see in a Three Stooges short at the end of their movie career. I mean, he looks like, well, a robot. 

Larry Flynt is offering a million dollars
for the wedding night video.

Yukirin's parents must be appalled by their daughter's choice in men. "We wired you to pass for human, and this is what you marry -- some guy with antennae for ears who wears gasoline cans for shoes?" And take a look at Frios' lower extremities, then ponder what the honeymoon is going to be like for the poor bride. But doesn't the idea of having robots for children seem worth the pain even for human mothers? It sure does for the fathers, I can tell you that.

The Bobby Jindals and Mike Huckabees of Japan are probably committing hari-kiri even as we speak, while the Barack Obamas and Hillary Clintons (who were against robot weddings before it became politically expedient) are now ready to officiate at future nuptials. Do you, Eiichi, take Riko to be your lawfully wedded cyborg, for shinier and rustier, in breakdowns and ruthlessly destroying mankind, for as long as you both shall be programmed?

Save the rice -- just throw sensors.

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