BREAKING NEWS: V.A. SCANDAL EDITION

As Americans took time to remember the sacrifices made by our armed forces throughout the years, controversy continued to swirl around the scandal involving the lack of care provided by the Veterans Administration. Not even the deaths of dozens of vets of the Iraq and Afghan wars seemed to move the major political parties to work together to bring this tragedy to an end.

Speaking to reporters before flying home for a bourbon-and-weenie roast in his hometown of Reading, Ohio, Rep. John Boehner told reporters, "Look, this is a perfect example of what happens when the government tries to get into the healthcare business. Sure, our brave men and women who have served in the military should receive the best in medical care. But why should the American taxpayer have to foot the bill? Our vets toured the world, received three square meals a day, room and board, and an education all for free during their military career. And got paid for it. Now they want free healthcare for life? And for their family, too? You've gotta be kidding me."

Meanwhile, Senate leader Harry Reid took a different tact. While preparing for a fundraising barbecue with casino magnate Sheldon Adelson, Reid said, "The reason why our brave warriors are in this fix is because of wars that were started by the previous administration. If they hadn't enlisted, they wouldn't have gotten themselves into this mess, and would be enjoying life instead of getting hooked to illegal drugs, becoming homeless, and committing suicide. Not a very good way to live, right? So my view is to keep things going just as they are. That way, at some point nobody's going to want join the military. And there's your answer. In fact, on this Memorial Day, we urge every American to greet a member of the armed forces with, 'Thank you for your service -- sucker!'"

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