BREAKING NEWS: 8/31/15

The London Daily Mail is reporting that Susan Sarandon, 68, has been dumped by her 31 year-old boyfriend Jonathan Bricklin in favor of Pablo Picasso's granddaughter Marina Picasso, who is 64.

When asked why he made the switch, Bricklin said he wanted to date someone more age-appropriate.

Last Saturday night's "Super Moon" marked the first of three in a row when the satellite is going to be closest to earth all year.

Several astronomers are taking umbrage at the preferential designation, however, and are starting a campaign called "All Moons Matter."



Thousands of people took part in Philadelphia's Naked Bike Ride event over the weekend.

Spectators agreed that it appeared to be the first time most of the participants had ever engaged in any physical activity whatsoever.

Signs reading "HILLARY FOR PRISON 2016" have been repeatedly stolen from the Amagansett yard of Andy Sabin.

While Sabin hasn't gotten a good look at the culprit, he's reported catching a glimpse of a pantsuit and the sound of "an annoying cackle" each time.



ISIS revealed over the weekend that at the centerpiece of its goal to bring down America is a concerted effort to weaken the U.S. dollar and replace it with gold currency.

Shortly after, Sen. Rand Paul announced he was flying to Iraq to find his running mate.


A study at the Paris Cardiovascular Research Center suggests that women are more likely than men to die from heart disease because they check their breasts more than their cholesterol.

A parallel study suggests that men aren't helping any.



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