Did you hear the one about the people who voted for Trump because he was promised better healthcare, improved infrastructure, build a wall on the Mexican border, and bring peace in the Middle East? None of it happened, but they think it did!
An evangelical Trump voter and a retard walk into a bar. Bartender says to the evangelical, "We don't serve retards, but your friend can stay."
Donald Trump is walking in Midtown when he runs into Harvey Weinstein, who's lost a lot of weight. Trump asks him, "How'd you get so thin?" Harvey replies, "I got rid of 200 pounds of useless weight. You should try it!" A month later, they run into each other again, and Trump looks exactly the same. Harvey says, "I told you to get rid of 200 useless pounds." Trump says, "I tried to, but Donald Jr. still came up for air!"
Q: What's the difference between Donald Trump and his supporters?
A: Trump never votes against his own interests!
Lindsay Graham is asked by a constituent, "How can you be a Trump supporter when he said such terrible things about your friend John McCain?" Graham says, "Oh that's easy. McCain didn't have photos of me that look like a combination of Brokeback Mountain, Suddenly Last Summer, and Salo: 120 Days of Sodom!"
Q: What's the difference between Kellyanne Conway and a two-bit whore?
A: A two-bit whore gets more respect.
Mike Pence dies and goes to heaven, where he's greeted by St. Peter. "Michael," says St. Peter, "how could you have served under such a lying, hypocritical, philandering, mean-spirited, non-Christian person like Donald Trump?" Pence replies, "Because he was doing the Lord's work." St. Peter says, "Goddamn, you really are as stupid as you look!" 
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