BREAKING NEWS: 9/22/20

The United States is on the cusp of a huge pig 'time bomb' with the number feral hogs increasing in huge numbers. Research scientist Dr. Jack Mayer, a zoologist who has been researching wild pigs for 40 years, has warned that the population could keep on growing unless there is a sudden swine flu epidemic. 

"Either that," Dr. Mayer said, "Or we sterilize the Kardashians."

 

 

 

In Knoxville, TN, Joel Guy, Jr., is asking to be executed for chopping up his parents and boiling his mother's head in a saucepan.

 

Guy told the judge, "Everybody knows you're supposed to roast it at 350 for 45 minutes." 

 

 

 

President Trump's Justice Department has labeled New York "an anarchist jurisdiction" due to the city refusing to

prosecute "criminal activities".

 

Those crimes include wearing protective masks, maintaining social distance rules, and generally behaving as if COVID is a real thing. 

 

 

Luxury brand Gucci is selling stained denim overalls for $1,400. "It is produced through cultivation and manufacturing processes that don't involve harmful chemicals, pesticides or artificial fertilizers," a description on Gucci.com says. 

The site adds, "It is also produced through the cultivation of customers who will pay any outrageous price in order to look like idiots."

 

Pres. Donald Trump told a rally crowd in Ohio that the coronavirus that has killed 200,000 Americans and infected nearly seven million "affects virtually nobody."

 

"And by virtually nobody," Trump added, "I mean nobody I know."