GOOD TO THE LAST DROP OF MEMORY

Too bad you won't remember it.

"Trust the science". It's been spoken a lot the past 18 months or so. But what happens when science doesn't trust the science?

This week, a study in Australia appeared to show that coffee can shrink your brain, leading to an increase in the chance of dementia. 

That stopped me in my tracks. Actually, I was sitting on my dining room chair at the time, so I was already stopped. But the news item called to mind a study done several years ago, which claimed coffee prevented Alzheimer's. 

As with all scientific studies, there are caveats. In the case of coffee, it's the amount you drink. The Australians claim that four or five cups are dandy. Once you're up to six, however, it's time for the kids to sell your house and move you into the assisted living home.

But how many cups?!

Here's where it's tricky, at least for me. When I use my glass coffee pot as a measurer, I pour the water to the four cup line. But  that same amount equals three when using a regular glass measuring cup. Which do I trust?

As I write this, I'm happily consuming my morning coffee in what would be considered a tea cup. Yet we also have a larger coffee mug, which is about a third-size larger. 

Using the smaller one technically increases the number of cups I drink. Now, I fill up the cup only half way with each pour, so you could claim that doing so actually doubles the number of cups I drink to six -- or eight, if you use the coffee pot as the guide. 

Does that put my brain at risk? Or is just thinking about this doing that already? 

You think that's confusing? Read this 2012 study that tries to figure out if caffeine is better than decaf. Spoiler alert: they don't know. It's a good thing I occasionally mix it up a little by using half decaf/half caffeine.

My grandmother sprayed insecticide
around her, too.

My mother, who lived to be just a few years short of 100, had been a long-time coffee drinker.  And by long-time, I mean since she was eight years old. As she explained, her mother served coffee on cold winter mornings in place of hot cocoa. Today, such a dietary plan would lead to your child being taken away from you faster than you can say "Kevin Spacey". 

Near the end of her life, my mother was diagnosed with dementia, which seems to confirm the new study. Unless, you know, coffee had nothing to do with it. That's how these studies go. They don't call it "practicing medicine" for nothing.

 

Norman Lloyd at 101. You should look so good now.

For instance, another recent study claims that eating red meat can lead to heart disease. 

You know who would have had a good laugh over that? Norman Lloyd, the legendary stage, screen and television actor, who recently died at the age of 106. On his 90th birthday, he admitted to eating "a steak or two" every week. 

Lloyd was still working until six years ago. Friends said he was mentally sharp and still a wonderful conversationalist until the last month or so of his life. I wonder if he drank coffee with his steak.

Let's end on a more intimate note. There are at least ten health benefits of sex. Except for the 20 year-old guy who died from a stroke in the middle of a little horizontal refreshment with his girlfriend. Which isn't terribly unusual. 

Great! Another excuse for wives to use! Let's not. It's for your own good, dear. Why don't we have some coffee instead?

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