MOVIE OF THE DAY: "DRIVE A CROOKED ROAD" (1954)

Eddie Shannon is a lonely little man with big exciting dreams. An amateur race-car driver on weekends, he yearns to enter the big time at Le Mans or the Grand Prix. But that takes the kind of dough his job as an auto mechanic doesn't provide. 

His luck seems to change when Barbara, a beautiful woman with a faulty carburetor and a classy chassis, enters his life. Having never been with a woman, Eddie falls like a pile of Michelins in an earthquake.  

After a date or two where not even a hand is held, Eddie has fallen head over crankcase for Barbara. She returns the favor by introducing him to her friend Steve Norris, who offers Eddie the $15,000 it would take to enter the big time racing world. All Eddie has to do is drive the getaway car when Steve and his wisecracking pal Harold rob a bank. Whaddaya say, Eddie?

He wants to get under her hood, alright.

A rather sunny-looking film noir, seeing that 95% of it takes places in daytime Los Angeles, Drive a Crooked Road nevertheless has the usual ingredients for the genre. What makes it stand out from the rest is the unexpected casting of leading man sap Mickey Rooney. 

 

"Hello, operator? Get me another script like this!"

Having already proven he was quite good in the previously-discussed noir Quicksand, Rooney's performance here is shockingly great. Anyone familiar with his over the top turns as, say, Puck in A Midsummer's Night Dream (age 15 but acting like a bratty seven year-old) or any of his MGM musicals, will be stunned by Drive a Crooked Road.

Laugh it up, guys. That's a criminal-in-the-making
you're talking to.

Not for a second does Rooney appear to be acting. Maybe it's because his persona here is centered around being short, period. One of the guys at the garage continually razzes Eddie about his height. Barbara's taller than him, too, of course. Taking it further, in what must have been a decision by director Richard Quine, everyone in the film towers over Rooney, so that he's always literally looked down upon. 

Just watch him meeting the swells at Steve's beach house party. He's almost cringing, feeling completely out of place, not just socially but physically. Oh, and Eddie's got a scar on his forehead that a dead man could see, as well. When the cards of life were dealt, Eddie received 52 Jokers and an IOU reading Sucker!

Which one of these is not like the others?

Further adding to Eddie's -- let's face it -- juvenile looks are his clothes. When meeting up with Barbara at the beach, he's dressed not in a bathing suit, but an unstylish short-sleeved shirt tucked into pants hiked up just a little too high, making him look like a slightly taller-than-average eight year-old.

And this just happens to be the time when he first meets Barbara's "friend" (read: lover) Steve, played by the uber-masculine Kevin McCarthy. That Eddie can't figure out he's being played a fool by this pair of grifters makes you feel even worse for the guy -- even if the garage owner has lent him a snazzy MG while his own car is in for repairs. Nice boss!

Remind me never to get into a jam like this.

Eddie doesn't want to be part of a federal crime. But the chance of becoming a pro racer and living happily ever after with Barbara (hah!) prove too tempting. (He even fixes up the getaway car for free!) The heist goes off without a hitch -- except for Barbara suddenly disappearing on him. And he still doesn't realize what a patsy he is.

Remember, Eddie, it all started with a dame.

It's only when Eddie visits Steve to find him arm-in-arm with Barbara does the truth start
to land on his crew-cut head. Words are exchanged and threats are made; Harold is ordered to take Eddie for a ride. 

Or, rather, force Eddie to drive to his fate at gunpoint. Resigned to his destiny yet not willing to go alone, Eddie puts his driving skills to use one last time. And while it's not exactly clear what's going to happen to him at the fade-out, it's unlikely to involve steering his way to a happy ending, especially with Barbara.

Going to the beach with Barbara is Eddie's first step to
getting washed up.

Dianne Foster plays the femme fatale to slick, sick perfection, making her totally believable -- to Eddie, anyway -- as she seduces him to a bad end. Foster plays Barbara as a far sexier a woman than Eddie ever met, or even stood within a mile of. You can see why a schlub like him would risk prison for her.

A little man on a long bench with a big chip on his shoulder.

But Drive a Crooked Road is Mickey's show all the way. When some actors better known for comedy try drama, they often overdo the serious stuff just to, you know, prove how committed they are to the part. Not Mickey Rooney here, even when he's offered  chances to prove he's an ACTOR!  

 

Eddie falls for the ol' fixing-the-tie routine.

Whether throwing a phone across the room in anger, nervously drumming his fingers on the steering wheel during the bank heist, or quietly suppressing his anger at being called "Shorty" for the millionth time, he never strikes a false note. And unlike some other film noir chumps, he actually evokes sympathy as the love-struck loser. It even makes you forget Rooney was once married to Ava Gardner. That's some talent, bub.

                                                             ************

To read about Mickey Rooney's other film nor, Quicksand, go here.