SUPER SO WHAT

OK, so maybe they were right.

 One of my useless childhood memories is talking to a couple of my third-grade friends about our favorite TV shows. I mentioned an especially good episode of Superman the from the afternoon before. 

My friends -- a boy and girl -- had the same response: "Superman is for babies!" 

Their opinion shook me to the core. There I was, an elder statesman at age eight, cut to the quick by my peers for my taste in entertainment. That I was also a Beatles fan in good standing meant nothing to them.

Fast-forward almost 60 years. Superman is once again the object of controversy, and not because it's impossible to disguise yourself with an ordinary pair of eyeglasses. 

Show this to anyone under the age of 40.
Watch them stare blankly.

Superman's first apparent crime is coming out as bisexual. Depending on your point of view, this is either a major cultural breakthrough, or pandering to a noisy minority. The latter includes C-list actor Dean Caine, who is known for exactly two things: taking Brooke Shields' virginity at age 22, and playing the Man of Steel on Lois and Clark 30 years ago. 

And since it would be ungallant to talk about the former incident, all he's got left is a TV show that ended the same year Katrina & The Waves won the Eurovision Song Contest, and is equally forgotten.

What both sides are forgetting is that it's Jon Kent, son of Clark and Lois, who's come out, leaving DC comics with their own out. See, it's only Superman, Jr.! His old man is still down with women!

And destroying greenhouse gas-emitting
vehicles.

The other outrage perpetrated by the illegal alien from Krypton is his new job description. No longer is he fighting for "Truth, Justice, and the American Way." Now he's promoting "Truth, Justice, and A Better Tomorrow." 

While readers of the Daily Mail are vowing to boycott a comic book company whose product they never read anyway, there's something to be said about this change. For what is the American Way? Depending on what side you're on, the choices of slogans is endless:

Truth, Justice, and Overturning Election Results!

Truth, Justice, and Free Medicare For All!

Truth, Justice, and Banning Dave Chappelle!

Truth, Justice, and Jews Will Not Replace Us!

There is no American Way, only American Ways. But if you wanted to come up with just one Way, I'd go with Truth, Justice, And Fighting Over Fictional Characters in Order to Distract Us From the Real Problems that Politicians Don't Want You To Think About, Because if You Did, They'd All Be Voted out in a Heartbeat. But that's not as catchy.

As for my opinion of the palaver: I don't care. Superman is for babies.

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For a more realistic view of the Man of Steel, read Mad Magazine's 1953 parody: http://forgottenawesome.blogspot.com/2017/07/superduperman.html