THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING OF THE IDIOTS

Try harder next time, asshole.

As Alec Baldwin famously (and falsely) wrote in New York magazine, I give up. Ever since One-Gun Alec killed Halyna Hutchins and wounded Joel Souza on the Rust set over two months ago, I've been acting as the hambone's unofficial advisor, urging him to shut up. 

Get off social media, lay low, and -- this above all -- send your wacky wife to her wannabe-homeland of Spain. The far-off countryside, without access to Wi-Fi or cell service.

Ho ho BANG!

Did he listen? Silly question! How can he hear anybody when he's too busy flapping his splenetic gums? Or doing something even worse, when, last week, he allowed his blushing lying bride Hilary/ Hilaria/Hilarious to post a family Christmas photo on Instagram?

Hoo-boy! It wasn't bad enough they shared their family Halloween photo a week after the shooting? You think Halyna Hutchins's husband and son enjoyed flicking on their laptop and being greeted by Santa Baldwin and the kids in front of a gift-festooned fir tree?

Talk about rubbing it in. He might as well have captioned it, "Hey folks, look at me, I'm still walking the streets a free man!" That is, if you consider being married to a fellow sociopath who's pupped a veritable baseball team of kids free. 

Going one step further: did you believe it was funny that one of your youngest kids is running away from you screaming in terror as if you were, oh, going to shoot him? Does anybody in that family over the age of 12 even think?

Like most actors, Baldwin is lost without a good script.

I'll answer that! The answer is no. Alec and the messed-up missus do stuff, but without
thinking even a quarter-step ahead. When Alec weeps on camera for himself, does he realize that his victims' survivors just might be watching?

When Hilaria/Hillary/ Hilarious posts a video lamenting her present life -- "Sometimes I didn't think I was gonna make it through. I want you to know how much you have helped me through some pretty dark struggles. Knowing you were there -- such comfort" -- is there anybody, anybody within shouting -- or in Alec's case, punching -- distance to let her know how utterly horrible a human being she is?

Again, I'll answer those inquiries! No and no. Not since John Wilkes Booth has an actor excelled in such self-destructive behavior. To illustrate how one behaves following this kind of event, let us examine the case of Michael Massee. 

The name might not ring a bell. But Massee was the unfortunate actor who accidentally shot and killed Barndon Lee on a movie set in 1993. When an FBI investigation cleared him of any wrongdoing -- it was a freak accident due to a faulty prop gun -- Massee disappeared for a year before quietly returning to work. 

Recognize him? If so, it's for all the right reasons.

No side-of-the-road interviews, no sit-downs with friendly reporters to clear his name, no holiday photos for his fans.

 OK, so this was long before social media. But while Michael Massee was lucky to be an unfamous character actor in the pre-internet age, he was self-aware enough to disappear until he felt it was time to return to Hollwood -- quietly. The result? He worked steadily in movies and TV right up to his death in 2016 -- and probably with 99% of viewers unaware of his past.

File under: fun couple.

Alec Baldwin will not be so lucky. The only cameras he'll be standing in front of for the foreseeable future will be held by reporters and his mentally ill wife. 

And even if forced pay a few million dollars to Hutchins's family and Souza, he will never ever be remembered as the guy from 30 Rock or who played Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live. 

Alexander Rae Baldwin III will forever be known as a hothead whose years of nasty, violent off-screen behavior inevitably led to an event that defined him not an actor but a clueless sociopath, destroying his career and dooming him to be forever stuck at home with a crazy woman and a houseful of children who will inherit their parents' unfortunate DNA. 

Sounds good to me. Just keep the kids away from guns, photographers, and people looking for a parking space.

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