DEVILED HAM

 It isn't often you hear an A-list actor speaking about anything approaching spiritual matters, unless it involves yoga, meditation, or how "blessed" they are. And by blessed, they mean rich and powerful.

Denzel Washington broke that mold over the weekend. Speaking to Pastor T.D. Jakes, Washington was asked about Will Smith's utterly unacceptable physical assault on Chris Rock. His take on the crime? 

"There's a saying when the devil ignores you, then you know you're doing something wrong. The devil goes, 'Oh no leave him alone, he's my favorite.' Conversely, when the devil comes at you, maybe it's because he's trying to do something right. And for whatever reason, the devil got ahold of him that night."

If someone came up to me on the subway babbling that kind of stuff, I'd step away politely and switch cars at the next station. It's reminiscent of Flip Wilson's catchphrase, "The devil made do it!" -- only Washington wasn't in drag and speaking in a squeaky voice.

The only thing I can take from Denzel Washington's proclamation is this: The 6'3", 180-pound 53-year-old Will Smith need not take any responsibility for sucker-slapping the 5'10", 171-pound, 57-year-old Chris Rock. 

Being your typical self-centered A-lister, Denzel Washington wasn't content to end it there. No sir. Not when there were more ways to seem even more detached from the real world (as most of his colleagues are). "There but for the grace of God go any of us," he tut-tutted. "I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, but I know the only solution was prayer."

Unless the ins and outs refer to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith's all too well known extramarital fun times, the situation can be found on YouTube in all its uncensored non-glory. And Washington should know. He was there!

And as for a solution... well, if some seat-filler had pulled this crap on Chris Rock, prayer would have been the last thing on anybody's mind. I think a 250-pound security cop tackling the creep, followed by the sound of handcuffs being slapped on him would have been more likely.

Apparently feeling like one of the heroes he plays in movies, Washington humbly admitted that he had to do something in that awful moment of violence. "I couldn't have sat in my seat. No way I could have sat in my seat. That's just not who I am."

So did he rush up on stage and pull Smith away? Check to see if Chris Rock was OK? Perhaps run to the control booth and suggest the director call a time out until things calmed down?

What are you, some kind of nut? He consoled Will Smith, of course! The guy behind the slap! Isn't that what you would have done if you witnessed one of your A-list colleagues assault a comedian over a second-rate joke? Maybe that's why Washington wrapped things up with, "Who are we to condemn?"

I don't know if Washington grew up in a churchgoing family, but his remark sure sounds like something he'd have heard from a preacher who was caught with his husband's best friend. At least Will Smith's wife proudly cops to screwing her son's best friend. 

Denzel Washington wants us to deny what we saw because it would mean the overwhelming acceptance of the audience in the Dolby Theater to what transpired -- from consoling Will Smith to giving him a standing ovation -- was open to condemnation. 

I'm no churchgoer, so I suppose that's why I'm delighted to condemn Will Smith's violent outburst. As, I'd wager, Washington would if something similar happened to him. By a non-union actor, that is. Those A-listers have to stick together, you know.

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