CHRISTMESSTIME IS HERE AGAIN

 

Don't tempt me. Don't tempt me.

No kidding, I try, try my very best to get into the Christmas spirit. It was easier when our daughter was little, and I could experience the magic of the season through her innocent eyes. And by "magic", I mean it in the show biz definition: smoke and mirrors that momentarily distracts you from a reality that appears to be worsening with every passing news cycle.

Our Christmas tree used to help rev things up for me. The nice people, usually Canadians, who set up shop outside grocery stores the day after Thanksgiving charged roughly $10 per foot, allowing us to spring for the seven-footers annually because, you know, the magic. 

This year, the cost shot up to $30 per foot. Ho-ho-what the --?!

We like it. 

"No way," I bellowed to my wife, "are we spending 180 bucks for a thing that's only going to get thrown out on January 1." And if we were going to drop $90 on a three-foot specimen, it better come with a bottle of Caymus Napa Valley Cabernet in place of an angel on top.

Just as we decided to settle on a simple wreath and call it a day, I found a three-foot tree inside Whole Foods for $29.99. It likely isn't the greatest tree on our block, but speaking monetarily, I dare any other to compare with it. And what a time-saver --we finished decorating it only half-way through our Booker T & The MGs' Christmas album.

Hey, kid, you were warned.

The Victorian age got Christmas right. Kids weren't threatened with coal in their stockings if they didn't behave. Rather, they would be dragged to hell by Krampus, a creature who was half goat/half demon. Krampus rivaled Santa in the greeting card department, which perhaps subconsciously prepared Europeans for the hell that lay ahead of them in the first half of the 20th century. In case you were wondering, Krampus was a German invention. What a coincidence.

If you've been watching the news, you're aware that the first half of the 21st century isn't much better this holiday time. War in Europe, growing antisemitic behavior in the U.S.,  a right-vs-left mentality taking over political discourse, a Russian leader who takes that "we will bury you" jazz a lot more seriously than his predecessors... Krampus is alive and well this yule time, only he's going after everybody, adult or child, whether they're well-behaved or not.

It's sure wonderful for his bank account.

There's a good reason that one of the most reviled Christmas pop recordings of its time, Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime", has become one of the most beloved. What was once considered a simplistic -- make that juvenile -- tune with a "wah-wah" synthesizer buzzing around like an annoying housefly is now as comforting as a cup of hot cocoa with a dollop of fresh whipped cream, something easy to sing along with as you hope that maybe by next year, all will be calm, all will be bright. 

It will for Paul, anyway, seeing that "Wonderful Christmastime" adds $315,000 to his coffers annually. And if you think that's a nice payday, "A Christmas Song", a/k/a "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" -- has earned $19-million since 1944.

 Anybody want to compose a simple, catchy Christmas song with me? You can put your name first on the writing credits for that kind of dough. I guess I am feeling the holiday spirit after all!             

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