CORONATION NATION

 

"Dear Diary: Today I became a king. How
smashing!"

Having made it a habit of watching historic events on live TV -- the first moon
landing, the falling of the Berlin Wall, Geraldo Rivera making an ass of himself opening Al Capone's vault -- there was no way I was going to miss the coronation of King Charles III over the weekend. By the way, isn't it odd that he's only the third Charles in a monarchy that's been around 1,200 years?

Not that I was going to wake up at 5:00 a.m. to watch the whole thing. Which makes me wonder why Charles didn't start the show in prime time (GMT) just to give the Monarchy's American fans on the East Coast a chance to celebrate at their own afternoon tea. It would have made a great lead-in to the Kentucky Derby (where, once again, I chose the wrong nag. Never chose a horse by its name). 

The guards seem to disappointed that they didn't
accept the money offered by the Rupert
Murdoch papers to sneak a photo of the event.

Having awoken at 6:15, I missed some of the early routines, like the oil anointing business, which was hidden by what appeared to be a very fancy pop-up changing room. As I understand it, some of the news outlets were gutted about not being able to show that particular part of the event. Considering all the scandals the British monarchy has made the front pages over the years, Charles was probably relieved to have one moment away from cameras. 

Harry gets a taste of the cheap seats.

Appropriately, the is-he-or-isn't-he Prince Harry had several moments blocked from the cameras as well, thanks to the obnoxious red-feathered hat worn by Auntie Anne. Since the seating arrangements for the ceremony had been in the planning stages for several months, it seems this was a deliberate slap (or tickle) in the face of the prodigal son, who, unlike his Biblical counterpart, wasn't welcomed with open arms by dear ol' dad. 

Sure, they don't do anything. But they do it
with such dignity.

The smirk smeared over Harry's puss while running to the airport-bound limo following the coronation looked a little desperate. No matter what he thinks of the monarchy, the crowd outside Buckingham Palace went as far as the royal eye could see. All ages, races, and religions happily stood in the chilly English rain, just to have the opportunity in years to say in years to come that they were there when Charles was officially promoted. American presidents would kill to have crowds like that.

You tell her she's a parasite.

Despite the best efforts of the anti-royalists, this family (as with the other 42
monarchies) doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Go ahead and feel superior that your family isn't as nuts as them. Mock them for costing taxpayers the equivalent of $126,000,000 annually. Complain that the value of Charles's crown alone (three to five billion dollars) could probably cover the cost of converting the UK to clean energy he's been championing since before it was cool.  As long as my wife and daughter and I don't have to bow and curtsy to them, they can keep the show going forever -- and they will, if the majority of British citizens have their way.  I get the feeling that Harry and Meghan are starting to realize they made the wrong career move.

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