THE FAMILY BUSINESS

As I've mentioned before, my daughter just got her Masters in Urban Planning. And if I did whatever the heck it is urban planners do, she would've had have a job as soon as she walked off the stage with her diploma. Most people would find that to be a reasonable thing for a parent to do. Noble, even. 

Until it comes to show business. Then it's all "Nepo baby!", putting the offspring in the position of repeating, "All it did was get my foot in the door" until interviewers move on to their next target subject.

"Thanks, Dad... I guess."

Kevin Costner has been busy defending casting his son, Hayes, in the movie Horizon: An American Saga despite the 15 year-old not auditioning for the role. "I realize there are so many young actors that who would just kill to be in this movie," Kev honestly admitted, before taking a whiplashing U-turn. "And I don't want to take those parts away from them just 'cause I can place my own children in."  

To wildly paraphrase Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, "But you are, Kev, you are!" And as if to double down on his choppy word salad, Costner added, "He's a beautiful boy, and he's quiet. And I have not shoved my children into the business." So you cast him for his looks -- which, frankly is how it's done in the movie business -- but also because he doesn't talk? Maybe you haven't shoved your kid into showbiz, but it sure looks like you let him in front of the line. Just admit, "I did what any parent would have done. So what?" Anyone with an ounce of honesty would just nod and mutter, "Yeah, me, too."

Can't say that I blame her for being happy.

L'affaire Costner comes on the heels of David Mamet hotly denying that his daughters Zoisa and Clara are two of the dreaded nepo babies, boasting whatever roles they've had have been strictly through merit. Just don't include their early roles in dad's projects like The Unit, Spartan, and Phil Spector. I guess the proudly right-wing Mamet will use that same "merit' reasoning if Donald Trump, Jr. runs for president in 2028. (Full disclosure: I like David Mamet, even if I occasionally have to look past his political views. See, sometimes I can separate the artist from the person!) 

"OK, Mom, I can take it from here."

I'm not saying his kids haven't any talent; I've never seen their work, but they've gotten
enough gigs over the years that they must have something to offer outside of their last names. But what of those whose names are unknown to the world, like Louisa Gummer and Hannah Einbinder? They're terrific on The Gilded Age and Hacks, where your average viewer might not know they're the daughters of Meryl Streep and Lorraine Newman. Did the casting folks at HBO know? Of course. Did it matter? Don't ask me, I'm not a nepo baby.

What luck: the son of two legends.

It's not like this kind of thing is new to Hollywood, as the offsprings of Henry Fonda and Lloyd Bridges could attest. But they had the talent to back up their good fortune. That's why aspiring actors named Charles Chaplin, Jr., Edward G. Robinson, Jr., and Harold Lloyd, Jr. (notice a pattern?) never did anything beyond a few B-movies. Nor did famous last names help the sons of George Burns and Errol Flynn (Ronnie and Sean, respectively). 

It doesn't matter if you hit the genetic lottery -- if you don't have the talent, all you're going to be is another Famous Name, Jr. In fact, Sean became something of a legend not via show biz but by disappearing in Vietnam while on assignment as a photojournalist in 1970. No way The Clash would have recorded a song called "Sean Flynn" had he continued churning out movies like The Son of Captain Blood.  

Yes, I wish I could have been able to help my kid get into her chosen profession. The only thing I can do is suggest she sell t-shirts emblazoned with "All it did was get my foot in the door" until her dream job comes along. Wait, to heck with that -- I should do it! Nepotism goes just so far. 

                                                                      ************