FIRESIDE CHATS

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it looks like
only three of these 12 people are up a creek
without a firehose.

 As the apocalyptic fires in Los Angeles continue to take their toll, the one question I have is Are my friends out there safe? To everyone else, it's Are the celebrities safe?

For not only are their estates in danger, but so are the things that really count: awards ceremonies and movie premieres. So whither the Critics Choice Awards, or the delayed and/or under-the-radar SAG and WGA nomination ceremonies? We're grateful that voting for the Oscar nominations is extended two days, but what if the winner no longer has a mantlepiece on which to display it?

Instead of hiding your eyes,
why not just skip the movie?

This doesn't make the cancellation of Wolf Man premiere any less heartbreaking. What's worse is that its January opening is the studio's signal that the movie stinks even more than the Hearst fire. Meanwhile, at least 15 television productions have gone temporarily kablooey, while this week's episode of CBS' Fire Country, a dramatic series about Northern Californian you-know-whos, was pulled this week. Why watch fiction when the real thing is streaming 24/7 on YouTube? 

Over on NBC, however, Chicago Fire was still burning brightly because Chicago isn't going up in flames. By the way, did you know there were two network series about firefighters? Did you know there was even one? It doesn't take a fire to destroy the imagination of anyone in TV land.

Chrissy Teigen hides her laughter
as she thinks about her fans
starting a collection to restock
her wardrobe.

Celebrities have taken the time to tweet, "There are no words," before adding another 500 of them. Funnyman Billy Crystal sends best wishes to his friends and neighbors, but apparently nobody else in the Los Angeles area. Famous-for-no-damn-reason Chrissy Teigen managed to squeeze in a photo or two of her closets before getting out. Let no selfie be untaken, even when flames are creeping up your driveway. 

James Woods and Melissa Rivers called in to CNN to remind casting agents they're available. And in a true Hollywood move, one of the three items Melissa grabbed before escaping was her mother's Emmy. Good Lord, at least B-lister Steve Guttenberg actually helped the first responders. (It's kind of funny that People magazine's headline said he went "unrecognized.") Jean Smart, the star of Hacks, posted on her Instagram page:

 Last year, the ad revenue from the Oscar broadcast alone was $120-million. You can be sure the SAG, WGA, Critics Choice, and what-have-you awards shows don't rake in that kind of dough, but they add up to a line producer's ransom. And Jean Smart hopes the networks would willingly fork over that sum out of their own pockets? Hey now, she's funnier than we give her credit for! 

By the way, to a stickler like me, Smart's message appears to claim there are victims of firefighters. Any writer worth their laptop would have said "to both the victims of the fires and the firefighters." And last I looked, the word "victim" had been officially replaced by "survivor", so get with the program, Jean -- and I don't mean your sitcom. 

Do I wish ill of these people? Not at all. But when Jean Smart wants the networks to shell out several hundred million to Los Angelenos affected by the fires, I hope she's referring first and foremost to nobody on anybody's A-list. 

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