NOT WORTH REMEMBERING

 What's the difference between not remembering where you read an article and the onset of dementia? 

I ask this question because yesterday my newsfeed decided it was time to scare me with another in its series, You're Losing Your Mind and Don't Know it! And since I didn't think to bookmark one of them, you have to trust me when I say all these "studies" are real, even if they're not legit. 

Wipe that smile off your face, grandpa.

The first concerned tests that were run on three groups of people: young, middle-aged, and seniors. They were told to walk from one area in a wooded area to another after looking at a map and/or GPS devices. The shocking outcome: younger people double-checked the maps fewer times than the others. Old folks, at best, had to return to the maps or, at best, rely on landmarks, like particular trees or boulders.

Yes folks, it's true: seniors don't have sharp memories like those darn youth of today, thus "proving" all of us oldsters are in early stages of dementia. The problem with me, though, is that I've been this way my whole life. I used to drive my mother nuts when she'd give me directions to particular addresses. Never did I ever know where most of these streets were.

Many a time did Mom roll her eyes and ask something like, "Do you know the gas station behind the old courthouse?" When I excitedly replied in the affirmative, she'd say, "Take the next left after that." To which I would say, "Why didn't you say that the first time?" I would say this kind of thing drove her to an early grave, but she lived to be almost 100. With dementia.

Look, there's some fruit, it's gotta be healthy!

The second piece that appeared was this shocker:  a new study has linked consumption of the bacon, egg & cheese sandwiches with an heightened risk of dementia.

Really? I mean, wouldn't you say there's a greater risk of a heart attack if this is your regular breakfast? How many of you are starting to think that the folks at the Harvard School of Public Health use their research grants to fund weekend trips to Vegas with all the trimmings? 

Be sure to add "Psych ward."

But the "study" that takes the proverbial cake is the one posited by neurologist Dr. Richard Restak, who, in his book How to Prevent Dementia, warns that a sign of Mild Cognitive Impairment could be using a shopping list at the grocery store.

Allow me to say what you're thinking: Is this some kind of a frickin' joke? Speaking just for myself, if I'm picking up more than two items at Whole Foods, I'm getting out the pen and paper first. 

But wait, there's more! The good doctor's other warning is for the same shoppers who can't remember which aisle a particular item can be found. This guy has never visited his local Costco, where they deliberately move items around so you buy even more stuff you don't know need, like five-pound bags of walnuts.

Please don't make me defend this guy.

At the risk of sounding like RFK, Jr., is there any wonder why so many people don't listen to medical "experts" when they say stuff like this? Folks use landmarks when going from one place to another. They enjoy the occasional bacon, egg & cheese. They use goddamn shopping lists!

Dr. Restak's warning was published on HuffPo UK, two years after running a piece on how using a shopping list can save you hundreds of dollars a year. Sounds like some editors are ready for old folks home.

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