BREAKING NEWS: 8/5/16

Wartime diaries kept by top Nazi henchman Heinrich Himmler, serialized this week in Germany’s daily Bild, offer chilling insights into the life of one of the principal architects of the Holocaust, noting, “Between(poison) gas, execution orders and thousands of rendezvous, he took care of his family, his mistress and his hobbies.”

In response, Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson noted, "This proves a leader like Mr. Trump can multi-task."

Danny Randell, 23, field director of state Democrat Senator Toby Ann Stavisky's re-election campaign in a district of Queens in New York City where 54% of residents are Asian, once wrote on Facebook, "Dear Asians, at least wear name tags or something. Sincerely, the rest of the world." 

Stavisky issued a press released reading, "Mr. Randell has offered his sincerest apologies. He assures me that he was only speaking for himself and not the rest of the world."

Anthony Ray Silva, the Republican mayor of Stockton, California, was arrested on a felony eavesdropping charge stemming from recording a strip poker game he hosted for juveniles. Silva was also charged with counts including furnishing an alcoholic beverage to an underage person.

Asked for an explanation, Silva said, "Don't blame me, I thought GOP meant Grand Old Pedophiles."

Mohammad Karim, a respected cleric, was arrested in Afghanistan after marrying a 6-year-old girl. Karim claimed that the child was offered to him as a gift by the parents.

Afghan authorities said this was unacceptable behavior of the cleric's part, adding, "Where does he get off, not paying a gift tax?"

George Zimmerman and a friend called 911 after a man punched him in the face, authorities said. Zimmerman allegedly told the man, “I love your tattoos. My name is George Zimmerman, you know, that guy who killed Trayvon Martin.”

On the 911 tape, the operator can be heard responding, "Wait, George Zimmerman has a friend? And can I get in a punch, too?"

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