BREAKING NEWS 8/4/16

Donald J. Trump’s hostility toward the parents of a slain Muslim American soldier threaten to shatter his uneasy alliance with the Republican Party at the outset of the general election campaign.

Attempting to win the family over, Trump spokesman Brad Lanes told MSNBC's Chris Matthews, "Look, if Mr. Trump had been president in 2004, the Khans wouldn't have been allowed in America, and their son would still be alive!"

In Orlando, police arrested Daniel Rushing after mistaking the Krispy Kreme glaze on his car's floorboard for crystal meth.

The officers were stripped of their badges by Police Chief Chester Hooten, who told reporters, "This is a sad day for Orlando. Any cop who doesn't know what doughnut is isn't fit to wear the uniform."

ISIS militants have arrested more than 50 men in Syria for the 'crime' of smoking, which is banned under the strict Sharia law the terror group has imposed, and will punish them with a public flogging.

Asked for a comment, Hillary Clinton said, "Like I've always said, I'm willing to listen to ideas from anybody."

Police in Ovilla, Texas have prompted outrage after Deputy William Cox was caught on video drunk,shirtless and crying after shooting at a church door, but wasn't charged with a crime.

"This was case of mistaken identity," Cox told reporters. "I could have sworn it was a black church."

St.George's School in Newport, Rhode Island has agreed to a settlement that would provide compensation for up to 30 former students who say they were sexually abused.

A collection has been taken up by local residents to bring in Deputy William Cox so he can target "a religious institution worth shooting at." 

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