In the wake of the latest mass school shooting in the US, leaving 17 students and teachers dead, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan was cornered in a Congressional hallway as he was trying to avoid reporters.
Asked why the deaths of school students -- some as young as eight, going back to Sandy Hook -- appears to be acceptable to the overwhelming number of Congressmen, Ryan pointed out, "Look, after all the mass shootings that involved adults -- not to mention the number of teenagers killed in our wars -- it's about time kids 17 and under realized they've got some skin in the game, too. If we grown-ups are on the firing line, our boys and girls are coming with us."
When a reporter pointed out that 95% of Americans, including the overwhelming majority of gun owners, support stricter background checks for weapons purchases, Ryan replied, "True. But when you count the 1% that're unsure, that leaves 4% whose voices should be heard. We don't want the U.S. to be a tyranny of the majority. I mean, if you think about it, this is the gun rights version of the Electoral College."
Before another reporter could ask a question, Ryan chuckled, "OK, I know what you're going to say: 'NRA, NRA, you get all your money from NRA, blah blah blah.' Well, let me ask you something. If you went out of your way to piss off your bosses at the Times or CNN, you'd be wondering where your next paycheck was coming, right?"
"I hate to point out the obvious," Ryan sighed, "but once again, you guys are all focusing on the negative. Instead of talking over and over and over about the 17 people who died, why don't you remind your viewers how many survived? There are so many more -- gosh, who knows how much! -- that got to return safely to their families last night. So many parents grateful their kids weren't in the line of fire this time. That's what you should be talking about. Not a handful of fatalities."
"Just like that concert in Las Vegas," he added. "Twenty-two thousand people attended. 22,000! But what do you talk about? Fifty-eight people. That's almost, well, 22,000 who lived! Jeez, what a bunch of Debbie Downers you all are," he chuckled.
"Now it's time for me to get back to doing the work of the American people," Ryan stated.
As he ducked into his office, he turned around and said, "Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- thoughts and prayers", before shutting the door.
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