FARAWAY PLACES WITH STRANGE SOUNDING GAMES

Considering the state of the world, it's little wonder some people go to extreme lengths for even a momentary state of bliss. And when you live in a nation whose most famous contribution to history is still the number one symbol of evil incarnate, you take your happiness however you can:

Across [Germany], 80-100 people accidentally die each year due to risky masturbation practices where a lack of oxygen in the search for sexual satisfaction is the most common reason for death.

Adolf feels up his new love.

I thought the whole idea behind slamming the ham was that, unlike sex with strangers, it wasn't risky. Only in Germany can you take good ideas -- like, say, national pride, a healthy economy, and a cool-looking little car -- and turn it into tragedy with unforeseen consequences.

Really now, isn't shaking hands with the champion about the easiest thing you can do for a quick thrill? The most effort you have to put into it is closing the shades or locking the door. Not that I'm speaking from experience. 

Knowing me, this is how I would
wind up.

Nope, apparently a vivid imagination just isn't enough for some people, who find that the moment is enhanced by bringing yourself to the verge of death via plastic bags, clamps, and nooses. Call me square, but none of these things get me in the mood. I mean, are there porn sites devoted to Baggies? (I'd look, but I'm afraid what I'd find.)

Even one of culture's most joyful, innocent symbols -- Christmas lights -- have become part and parcel for German volks out for a sexual thrill. This is not the kind of white Christmas I've been dreaming of.

But there was one guy over there who really takes the cake -- or, rather, Limburger:

According to Frankfurter Rundschau, a man in Hamburg who is believed to have suffered from an autoerotic death covered himself with sliced cheese, pulled pantyhose over his upper body, put on a raincoat and a diving suit and then sat down with a plastic bag over his head in front of a heater that was switched on.

Go ahead, tell me you wouldn't have doubled over with

laughter if you had been the cop called to the scene.

You don't say.

I mean, how do you come up with such a scenario? The amount of time and effort and imagination to pull all of that together could probably cure a good number of fatal diseases. 

Does it surprise you that the overwhelming number of German people who actively put their lives at risk for this are men? Of course not! Most women have better things to do than put on pantyhose, raincoats, diving suits, and cheese for a cheap thrill. Like avoiding guys who put on pantyhose, raincoats, diving suits, and cheese for a cheap thrill.

Good Lord, how utterly bored do you have to be to engage in such practices? Only an expert can explain it:

“Losing consciousness can happen quicker than people think,” said the forensic examiner, adding that part of the allure for people is the feeling of powerlessness or the thrill of potential danger.

Just in case you were wondering how a nation known for its fine art and rich culture could vote for Adolf Hitler.

But looking on the bright side -- at least Kraft has a whole new area of marketing they can take advantage of!

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