NOTHING BUT CATASTROPHE

Earlier this week, two peacocks at a zoo in China died when what was described as "unruly visitors" thought it would be cute to pick them up and pluck out their feathers. 

The peacock in happier days.

Those creatures didn't know how good they had it, because the NBC peacock has had its feathers plucked for about six months, with no sign of stopping. First, Matt Lauer was fired over a copious number of sexual harassment complaints that network executives allegedly knew about but did nothing to stop. Because there's no one else in the world who knows how to read a script at 7:00 in the morning.

"Pshaw! I'm too cute to be a
homophobe!"

Now, in the past week, three more scandals have bubbled to the surface. MSNBC's Joy Reid was shocked to discover that she used to be a raging homophobe when her embarrassing tweets and blog posts from a few years back surfaced. I say "shocked" because she initially claimed that her sites had been hacked. When that proved a non-starter, she doubled-down, pleading "I genuinely do not believe I wrote those hateful things."

Note that she didn't say "I genuinely did not write those hateful things." That's way different. I don't have the greatest memory, but if you showed me 100 things I allegedly wrote on my original blog (2004-2008), I would be able to tell you for sure which were genuine. Joy Reid either has zero unique writing style, or is in the early stages of dementia. Oh wait -- she could be a goddamn liar.

Does Switzen look the type of
guy who... ahh, forget it.

Behind the camera, Daniel Switzen, the former director of CNBC's The Suze Orman Show, admitted to hiding a camera in a Kleenex box in order to spy on his teenage nanny while she was in the bathroom. (Don't ask what he used the Kleenex for afterwards.) Switzen will serve up to four years in the slammer before registering as a sex offender. Perhaps he should've been a director on Law & Order: SVU -- he clearly needed advice other than financial. 

A CNBC spokesman declined to speak about the Switzen case, probably because his hair has been on fire since news broke that Tom Brokaw has been accused by three former subordinates of sexual harassment. 

At 78, Tom Brokaw still has what the ladies like -- or what he thinks
they should like, whether they like it or not.

Tom Brokaw! You might as well accuse Walter Cronkite or David Brinkley of such behavior. Brokaw -- reporter-turned-Today host (there must be something in the water on that set)-turned-prime time news anchor-turned "Special Correspondent" (meaning he's old, but too distinguished to fire) -- denies all charges, as well he should... if he's innocent.

The first charge was brought by former NBC reporter Linda Vester, who says Brokaw's advances ranged from unwanted tickling (does anybody want to be tickled?) to, essentially, not understanding what "no" means. Considering the advances allegedly happened only twice over 20 years ago, Brokaw sounds not so much like a criminal, but your typical guy... who's 30 years older than the object of his affection, and is also married.

You can see how thrilled Jane Pauley is by his touch.

Vester's diary regarding these encounters show a guy who's been out of the game too long, and had to thumb through a paperback romance novel for advice. You can click the link in the previous paragraph and scroll down for details; I'm too embarrassed to even copy and paste. It's even smarmier when you hear his voice in your head. You kind of expect him to add "Mr. Gorbachev" at the end of each sentence.

Vester's charge seemed incredibly out of the blue. There had rumors floating around about Lauer, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Louis CK for years. But Tom  Brokaw? All we knew was that he loved his work, his family, fishing in the Midwest, and dining out on that "Greatest Generation" stuff. 

It wasn't until two more women came forward a few days ago that it occurred to me that Brokaw was different. These incidents happened before the age of internet gossip sites, where people could safely spill the beans on celebrities. Who knows what we would have heard about Chet Huntley (and frankly, I don't want to even think about it).

The second woman to bring charges against Brokaw said -- well, you really do have to read it yourself:

The Post also spoke with an unnamed woman who says that when she was 24 and working as a production assistant in the 1990s, Brokaw made advances toward her. “He put my hands under his jacket and against his chest and pulled me in so close and asked me, ‘How is your job search going?’” she told the Post. She said he invited her to his office, but she did not go.

Let me know when you're done gagging. Then try not to fall off your chair when you discover there's a piece online called "Tom Brokaw On How To Talk to Anyone". Sure -- if you're a drunk frat boy, that is.

Sounds like Brokaw actually didn't get lucky all that much.

I really hope her account is true, because Brokaw makes my moves look like Warren Beatty's. And I have a feeling it is true because no self-respecting woman would dream up such a scenario unless it was for a drugstore novel and she had already been paid in advance.

Then there's the third woman, who says Brokaw once leaned in for an unwanted kiss in 1968...  which, if you haven't a calculator handy, was 50 years ago.

Good Lord! There are probably women who don't even remember that I really did kiss them in about half that time ago. What kind of a traumatic experience was it for her that she can remember how Tom Brokaw once unsuccessfully tried to sneak a kiss the same year of the Chicago riots, the RFK and MLK assassinations, and Richard Nixon getting elected? Tom must be one scary mofo. 

Herbert Hoover would be ashamed to
see how sullied the NBC  News microphone
has become.

Understandably, the folks at NBC News are circling the high-def wagons. Dozens of women at the network signed a letter that didn't directly address the charges, but said he was a fine and supportive colleague. Signatories include Mika Brzezinski, who was A-OK when Joe Scarborough put the moves on her when they were both married. 

Some low-level NBC staffers claim they were forced to sign the letter, a charge the network denies. They also denied that they knew about Matt Lauer's sexual misconduct, so you can scratch that off the "OK, whatever" list. Network execs also sent a memo around to reporters and anchors alike, reminding them how to report the Brokaw story, which boiled down to "100 women signed a letter that his friend wrote." 

If these are the only charges brought against Brokaw, he's probably in the clear. Especially when one of them allegedly occurred half a century ago, which is probably outside the statute of limitations regarding one unwanted kiss. But how sad is it that, if all these women are telling the truth, NBC's reply will be, "Well at least he didn't rape anybody."

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