A DISARRAY WITH WORDS

If you wonder why kids grow up confused, maybe it's because, from a young age, they simultaneously receive two bits of contradictory advice: 1) Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. 2) Words matter. Well, which is it? 

It depends on who's on the receiving end. If it's your kid, it's the former. But if you're, say, the Washington press corps following Michelle Wolf's scorching (if not always funny) monologue at White House Correspondents Dinner over the weekend, it appears to be the latter. 

On the other hand, if she's good enough for Chaturbate...

Yes, words matter, but not just when it comes to hurting people. Sometimes, it's is as simple as insulting our intelligence. Take Stormy Daniels (but make sure you've had a penicillin shot first). Following  Pres. Trump's comment regarding the police sketch of her alleged attacker as "a total con job", she sued the president for "defamation of character." 

How hard is it to "defame" someone who willingly had sex with the guy who doesn't even rise to the description of The Thing from Another World as "an intellectual carrot"? Someone whose cinematic oeuvre includes Trailer Trash Nurses 6, Dripping Wet Sex 4, Toxxxic Cumloads 6, and Porking with Pride 2? Heck, if she wasn't good enough for the first installment of Toxxxic Cumloads, that's really all you need to know. 

John Kelly beams with pride at Trump's U.N. speech.

And as long as we're talking all things White House, let's turn to John Kelly, whose main function as Chief of Staff would seem to be separating the brown jelly beans from the white. According to a Washington Post story, Kelly told two officials that Trump didn't understand policy issues, adding, "He doesn't even understand what DACA is. He's an idiot." 

Just for fun, I'm going to assume that, despite his denials, Kelly really did say that, if only because, well, do you think Trump knows what DACA is? (Full disclosure: I had to look it up to just to make sure I knew. And I was right! But I'm not paid to know things like off the top of my head.) So if Donald Trump is an idiot, what does that make David Kelly for willingly working for him? 

John McCain is stunned to discover that
he's had a choice all these years.

On a more serious note, we now come to John McCain, who has announced that he will not run for re-election due to his serious health issues, allowing him to "speak his mind".

Allowing him to? I don't think anyone has held a gun to John McCain's head since he was freed by the Vietcong. I mean, this was the guy who enjoyed being touted as a "maverick" when it was politically expedient, then decided he didn't at re-election time. There's been only one person preventing McCain from speaking his mind, and that's his own damn self.

Candidate Trump says McCain wasn't a hero because he got captured in wartime. Cain's response? Endorsing Trump! McCain's response to the Pulse nightclub massacre? "President Obama is directly responsible." McCain has even denied ever considering himself a "maverick", which is an admission of being just another political shill.

But now go back McCain's own words: "I can speak my mind without fearing the consequences much. And I can vote my conscience without worry." In the Ol' Fish-eye Learn To Speak English class, that translates to, For most of my time in politics, I was too desperate to get re-elected to tell the truth. I even sold out myself by endorsing the man who defamed me, and whose supporters laughed and applauded. I defied my own conscience for a sweet taste of power, and the general sucking-up by the mainstream press. Could you do me a favor and forget all that?

DNC chairman Tom Perez has a heart-to-heart
with Hillary.

Finally, let's examine the words of Hillary Clinton, who was often described as the most qualified person ever to run for president, but who has become a Talking Tina doll trying to kill what's left of the Democratic Party. Or perhaps she's Al Pacino in The Godfather III, but with a twist: Every time I try to get out of bad publicity, I pull myself back in! 

To be fair, her latest WTF quote was via a book written by a New York Times reporter rather than one of her own delusional interviews. According to Amy Chozick, Hillary took her defeat to Donald Trump almost philosophically. "I knew it. I knew this would happen to me. They were never going to let me be president."

"Mommy, they won't give me the nuclear code!"

Wait, did I say she took it philosophically? Let's change that to childishly, with a basket of deplorable paranoia. Just who is "They"? The same "They" who really are responsible for terrorist attacks, mass shootings, World War II, the lack of a cure for the common cold? That "They"? Hillary, there's a chair waiting for you on Alex Jones' podcast.

"Let me be president"? Leaving aside the fact it sounds like a spoiled five year-old -- They wouldn't let me play with matches! -- it also appears to signal that, for all her years in politics, Hillary doesn't have a grasp of Civics 101. Presidents are elected. Only in autocratic/dictatorial countries masquerading as democracies -- Syria, Russia, Turkey, etc. -- do you "let" people be president. And that's because if you don't, they shoot you. Which says everything about how Hillary Clinton thought of her presidency.

No, Miss Smarty Pantsuit, you lost because you didn't even know that it takes an Electoral College to raise a presidency. Nor did it occur to you that snubbing certain states during your campaign because you assumed they would vote for you proved how haughty and irrational you were.

But what counts more than anything else -- something that can't be overstated -- is this: You -- a former Senator and Secretary of State -- lost the presidency to a debt-ridden, orange-faced political neophyte carnival barker who was named in 169 federal lawsuits over the years. 

"They" wouldn't let you be president? You wouldn't let you be president. But keep on talking, Hillary. There are plenty of progressives and non-progressives alike who are just itching  for your words to fatally trip the Democrats down those flight of stairs. And the best way to do that is by repeating the words you spoke on April 10, 2008 and April 11, 2015, as you appear to be doing for 2020 : I'm running for president.

But by then, the words you spoke on Election Night 2016 will be finally be true. Because it'll be the DNC that really won't let you be president.

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