STRICTLY ON BACKGROUND, PT. 34: "THE LOUDEST VOICE"

Seeing that The Loudest Voice was a limited-run series, I figured that my episode as a press conference attendee would be my debut and finale. But it didn't stop me from submitting again four weeks later.  After all, Roger Ailes didn't rise to the top by being shy, did he?

It was that kind of gutsy, Marines-style move that got me one more chance to do my background stuff for the series. My new role was "Friend of Mayor". Now that was a thrill, because by "Mayor" I thought they meant Rudy Giuliani (whom I liked at the time) or Mike Bloomberg (whom I still like). 

Wrong! Because this was the Mayor of Warren, Ohio -- Roger Ailes' hometown -- where he was returning to make a speech at the request of the local VFW -- and, oh yeah, gin up his audience in order to boost the Fox News ratings further. And don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same.

Note Heaven's light shining down on me.

This was how I found myself outside on a cold, windy February day in a park in Yonkers, New York (subbing for Warren) where Ailes was giving his speech. Why he didn't do it inside the local VFW hall is something even more unfathomable than the hiring of Steve Doocy for Fox and Friends.

Russell Crowe, as Ailes, gave his rabble-rousing speech -- which featured the wonderfully tautological phrase "foreign immigrants taking your jobs" (just so the yahoos in his audience understood what he was getting at) from an elevated stage. Sienna Miller (as Mrs. Ailes) stood nearby, as did the actor playing their son. 

Crowe was chatty and funny between takes, even when the hairdresser came by to tweak his hairpiece. "This gentleman is from Canada," Crowe informed us. "He's one of those foreign immigrants taking your jobs...like me." 

A friend of any mayor has to look good, especially when an esteemed speaker is present, so I wore my trench coat and scarf, which were beautifully set off by the new fedora my wife had gifted me for Christmas. It didn't go unnoticed by Crowe, who gave a thumb's up and said, with an appreciative smile, "Nice hat!" At that moment, the wind subsided, cold gave way to warmth, and bluebirds appeared overhead. Or so it seemed. 

My get-up wasn't unappreciated by the A.D., either, who  gave me a prime spot in the second scene we shot. Crowe and Miller were under a tent near the stage, while a few of us were directly outside behind them, deep in conversation -- if you can call it conversation. As they were setting up the scene, I was chatting with the woman I had been placed with about the old-school "dialogue" extras used to engage in. What the hell -- it worked on Perry Mason in the '50s, why not now?

Which was why, for take after take, I responded to her whispered "peas and carrots, peas and carrots, peas and carrots" with my "cheese and crackers, cheese and crackers, cheese and crackers". If you think this sounds ridiculous, hear it in your head speeded up with each take. There was a reason why, by the final take, I was laughing on-camera. Always the professional! 

When the episode aired recently, I expected to be seen at least a little. A little?! This was the first time I actually heard from friends the next day, saying, Hey, I saw you and Russell Crowe last night! And it was easy to recognize me... unless you're my wife, to whom I've been married for only 27 years. "Well, there's someone who looks like you," she observed with Sherlock Holmesian skill. "He's got your hat, your glasses..."

"That's because it's ME!!!" I replied, hitting the ceiling so it hard my skull left an imprint.

Stunned by my sagacity, she cooed, "Ohhh, it is!" Say goodnight, Gracie.

I was on camera for most of the scene, mostly in the slightly blurry background in profile. But there was a nice full frontal, in-focus moment as "Ailes" was returning from taking a call. I feel kind of bad for the actress I appear to be upstaging... well, no, not really. This is how the A.D. placed us, OK? 

Now that I think of it, she's also hard to see in our conversation. Maybe if she'd been six feet tall like me it would have helped a little. Take note, ladies!

To show you how accidents can be a blessing, I didn't need to worry about laughing during the final rapid-fire "peas and carrots, cheese and crackers" exchange. The director used what appeared to be that take, as Crowe and Miller are smiling in the foreground. 

No doubt the director thought it a genius move on my part to emphasize the Ailes' happiness. I will never look at cheese and crackers the same way again.

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A video of the scene in its entirety: