UNDER COVID. PT. 7: WALK ON THE QUIET SIDE

Not even the teddy bears are spared from
the virus.

Judging by the cybertraffic I've been getting the last 24 hours, the number one subject on everybody's housebound mind is sex. That in itself isn't unusual. But what is interesting is that the specific pieces involve people who have intercourse with stuffed animals. (You can read them here and here.) 

Either people are getting really bored with their spouses, or there are more plushophiliacs than I realized. Either way, thanks for dropping by! Just don't be disappointed that there aren't any more pieces about them. However, you can expand your horizons by reading about folks who get turned on by dressing up as dogs. You're welcome.

Park Avenue, March 28, 4:56 p.m.

Old-fashioned fellow that I am, COVID-19 claustrophobia hasn't driven me to those fantasies. Perhaps it's because my wife and I have gone for the occasional walk to clean our minds. Last Saturday, we made it all the way to Central Park for a stroll around the Great Lawn.

It's fascinating to see how life has changed. Manhattan has gone from paying attention to the WALK/DON'T WALK signs to being able to stop in the middle of of Park Avenue to take photos because there's no traffic. That's actually an upside of being in the middle of a pandemic: peace and quiet everywhere you go!

Thankfully, the was enough room on the front
page to plug their new TV show.

The downside of a pandemic is the pandemic itself. New York City is up to 36,221 cases, with 790 fatalities, up from 23,112 and 365 respectively since my last COVID piece three days ago. If it's true that warm weather will help to stop the outbreak, then climate change will never be so welcome.

A field hospital has gone up in Central Park's East Lawn off 5th Avenue between 97th & 100th Streets, across the street from Mt. Sinai Hospital. I predict that when this episode is over, no one will spread out picnic blankets in this area ever again.

Supply no more.

Some restaurants have given up on take-out and delivery orders, and have literally boarded up, as if a hurricane were headed our way. This interrupted our annual tradition of going out to dinner for my birthday on Saturday, but at least the restaurant we had planned on going to, Felice 83, was still available for pick-up. And what was really nice was that portions were larger than what we would have gotten had we dined there. What's that saying about clouds and silver linings?

"And the Emmy Award for Best Reality Show Meant to
Scare the Shit Out of You goes to..."

It took a while for most Americans to catch on to the severity of COVID-19. (Thanks, Mr. President!) So serious is it, the ABC network has created a daily afternoon program, Pandemic -- What You Need to Know, devoted to the virus, as if it were the latest soap opera. 

If the ratings take off the way ABC hopes, you can count on the network execs creating a sequel: Pandemic -- What You Need to Know the Next Time It Hits. Then, when the next flu season comes around in late autumn, be sure to tune into Pandemic -- We Told You So! Sponsored by Mucinex.

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